


Akage to Hoshi

by PadawanNerd



Category: Beauty and the Beast - All Media Types, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: 18th Century, Alternate Universe - No Stands (JoJo), Ballroom Dancing, Boys Kissing, Canon-Typical Violence, Catholic Guilt, Curse Breaking, Dio Brando Being an Asshole, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Everyone Is Gay, Exorcisms, Fairy Tale Curses, Fairy Tale Retellings, Falling In Love, Fights, First Kiss, Flirting, Gay Panic, Gay Thoughts (TM), Gift Giving, Happy Ending, Imprisonment, Injury, Insults, Internalized Homophobia, Kinda, Kissing, Love, Lovesickness, M/M, Magic, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Nervousness, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Period Typical Attitudes, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pining, Sexual Harassment, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smoking, Snowball Fight, Spells & Enchantments, Timeline What Timeline, Transformation, Treachery, True Love, True Love's Kiss, Wolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:15:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 22,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24326377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PadawanNerd/pseuds/PadawanNerd
Summary: A cursed nobleman. An attractive but friendless bookworm. Can I make it any more obvious?As a certain teapot would say, it’s a tale as old as time.Or: a Beauty and the Beast AU where everyone is gay EXCEPT the dumbass villain sidekick character.
Relationships: Dio Brando/Enrico Pucci, Kakyoin Noriaki/Kujo Jotaro, Mohammed Abdul | Muhammad Avdol/Jean Pierre Polnareff
Comments: 98
Kudos: 298





	1. Tale as Old as Time

**Author's Note:**

> You know what? Fuck it. I don't care how many times it's been done before. Gay JotaKak Beauty and the Beast AU. Or, well, crossover I guess. To whoever wished upon a star for more Disneyfied gay Jotakak content… well, it looks like I’m your fairy Godfather, and I’m gonna make you an offer you can’t refuse. I found this draft in my writing folder from 2018, so why not finish it off and post it, right?
> 
> The title translates to "Redhead and the Star"; all chapter titles are taken from that iconic song "Beauty and the Beast" (aka the Tale as Old as Time song). 
> 
> For more in this vein, I suggest https://archiveofourown.org/works/10858854/chapters/24115521 , which is a slightly looser version of the Beauty and the Beast story.

Once upon a time, in the mystical, faraway land of eighteenth-century France, there was a young nobleman who lived in his family castle with his court and his servants, after his father left to join the war and left him in charge of the estate. This young man was somewhat of a delinquent, inflicting cruel beatings on the townsfolk of the nearby village, never paying for the food he stole from poor farmers, drinking and gambling and getting into trouble that would have got him arrested, if he were not the one who held all the power.

One stormy night, during the festivities of the New Year, this young nobleman’s mother had invited dozens of nobles from the surrounding area, to celebrate. But the young nobleman hated large parties and attempted to drive the crowd away. Most left, but one very old woman known as Enya stayed, until the young nobleman could not stand it anymore.

“You old hag!” he shouted. “Why do you not just leave us alone!”

“I have nowhere else to stay,” cried Enya. “Please, allow me to stay the night, until I can find somewhere different. I do not have any money, but please accept this rose as payment, if you can find it in your heart –”

But the young nobleman heard no more and ordered his servants to carry the old woman away and ban her from entering his castle. She protested greatly, but soon saw there was no other alternative.

Lo and behold, she dropped her aged and wrinkled form, and stood before the nobleman in all her glory – the beautiful enchantress, Lady Lisa-Lisa. With a voice of fury, she condemned the nobleman and all of his household to a terrible curse. The only way to break it would be to convince someone to love him. If he did not do this before the petals of the rose had all fallen away, the entire castle would suffer a terrible fate.

And so, the Enchantress stormed away into the night, leaving the young nobleman in the form of a terrible demon…

The Star.

Noriaki Kakyoin walked through the streets with his book, smiling at each of the passers-by with a cheery wave. There was Pucci, the Reverend; Josuke, the apothecary apprentice; even Jolyne the rebellious seamstress. Everyone was up and about today, and even if they looked at him as a strange lad who always had his nose in a book, they were at least superficially friendly to him.

Well, _mostly_ friendly.

“Good morning, Kakyoin, my young friend,” purred Dio, stepping neatly into Kakyoin’s path. “How are we today?”

“Good morning, Marquis Dio,” he sighed. “I’m well, thank you. I’m just going to market, though, so if you wouldn’t mind –” He moved to walk past the massive blond man, but Dio stopped him almost immediately.

“Come, now, Kakyoin, aren’t we friends? I was hoping we could have a little chat,” he pouted. “What’s that book you’re reading this time, hmm?”

“It’s a translation of _Sir Gawain and the Green Knight_ ,” muttered Kakyoin. “I’ve read it many times before.”

“Mm, very nice.” Dio darted forward and grabbed the book from his hand. “A fantasy, eh? I always preferred _useful_ things like the study of law, myself. And will you, like Gawain, soon be completing acts of bravery?”

Kakyoin turned his head away and tucked a loose strand of his red hair behind his ear. “Dio, I’ve told you before I won’t join you. I don’t enjoy taking money from those who have none.”

Dio scoffed. “Very well, Kakyoin. I hope you do not end up regretting your choice.” With that, he flounced away, flinging the book behind him.

Kakyoin picked up _Sir Gawain_ and dusted it down. “What a coxcomb,” he muttered, though not loud enough for Dio to hear. One of these days, he’d show that man just who was boss around here, once and for all.

(It was Dio. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t dream.)

“Why do I do this, Hol?” drawled Dio lazily. “I could have my pick of dozens, _dozens_ of bright young lads to join my little hunting party. Why him?”

Hol Horse scratches his head. “I don’t rightly know, Lord Dio. Tell me.”

Dio draped himself against the nearest wall dramatically. “Because he’s _pretty_.”

“Pretty?” Hol’s face scrunches up. “But I reckon only the ladies deserve that kind of a word, don’tcha think?”

“God, Hol, are you _completely_ stupid?” Dio rolled his eyes. “I could have my pick of any of the lads in this village, and that soft fool thinks it’s oh-so-charming to spurn me. Well, I shall not be spurned. I will find a way to make him return my affections.”

“Ya ain’t tellin’ me why he’s pretty.”

Dio waved a hand dismissively. “Oh, anyone can see _that_ , Hol. What’s important here is that I get him to join in my fight against idiotic peasants who think they know what’s good for them around here. I _need_ those taxes, and I _need_ a pretty boy like Noriaki Kakyoin to collect them for me. There is simply _no_ other option.”

With that, he got up and flounced off again. Hol groaned; he really wished Dio would stop flouncing everywhere.

At last, Kakyoin got back to the house that he had been calling home for the last several years and opened the door. Joseph was there, as usual, tinkering with one of his thingamajigs, and Kakyoin made sure not to disturb him as he sorted out the day’s groceries and laundry. Most people would consider such chores a woman’s job, but Joseph didn’t have any women in his life anymore – his wife had left him a long time ago, and his erstwhile mistress had died soon after – so Kakyoin did most of the housework. It worked out fine for both of them – Joseph looked out for Kakyoin as if for his own son, and Kakyoin took care of Joseph’s house and meals for him.

Eventually, Joseph looked up from his thingamabob in surprise. “Ah, Kakyoin! When did you get back?”

“Just a few minutes ago, master Joestar,” replied Kakyoin lightly. “What are you working on this time?”

“Ah, this?” Joseph held up the massive black box in excitement. “It’s my newest invention – something that makes an automatic painting of anything that you point it at! I call it a camera obscura!”

Kakyoin snorted and went to look at the object. “You and your crazy ideas, master Joestar. Whatever will you think of next?”

“Actually, I was thinking about the possible ways of harnessing the powers of lightning –”

“Stop!” Kakyoin laughed and ruffled Joseph’s thinning grey hair affectionately. “I won’t understand a word of it, you know. Do you want some dinner?”

Joseph nodded. “That would be lovely, thank you.”

Food came and went, and Joseph took the medicine that the apothecary had prescribed for his excess of choler. At last Kakyoin and Joseph sat together watching the fire. Joseph cleared his throat. “You know, Kakyoin, there’s a big fair going on in a few days in Rouen. Lots of opportunities to sell my wares in the big city.”

“Will you be going, then, master Joestar? It’ll take you a couple days to get there, after all.”

Joseph sighed and stared into the fire. “I suppose… But, Kakyoin, will you be all right here on your own? It’ll be a long trip, and I’ll need to set off quite soon if I want to make it in time.”

“Of course I will, master Joestar.” Kakyoin reached forward to stir the fire. “I have a book to occupy my time with, and I doubt not but that I can get this place spick and span by the time you return. In fact,” he winked at Joseph, “it might even be easier to get this place tidy with you gone!”

“Hey! Are you saying I’m messy?”

“Well, perhaps a little,” conceded Kakyoin, with a smile. “But only because you work so very hard on all of these little curios of yours.”

Joseph chuckled. “All right, you rascal. I’ll go. But, tell me – is there anything you want?”

“Hmm…” Kakyoin shook his head. “I hear the roses in Rouen are lovely this time of year. Pick me one of those, and I’ll be happy.”

“You and your strange requests!” Joseph laughed and folded his arms. “All right, then. I’ll see what I can do.”


	2. Just a Little Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to say yesterday, but I'll hopefully be updating this every day!

The next morning, Joseph hitched up his old cart to his horse, Hermit, and filled it up with his wares for the fair in Rouen. With a cheerful wave, he said goodbye to his ward, Kakyoin, and set off into the forest, looking forward to the bustle of people in the big town – he might even meet people he didn’t know! He had the feeling that he’d met some old friends near there, once, but for the life of him, he couldn’t remember who.

Well, it didn’t matter. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, Hermit was going at a pretty good pace, and Joseph hadn’t felt so alive since… something. His memory was bad these days; he was getting old. Sixty-nine was nothing to sniff at, but his generation weren’t as healthy as they used to be; he only wished he had a legitimate child to look after him in his old age. Kakyoin was a good boy, and of course Joseph’s ‘natural son’ Josuke was all right, but… it wasn’t quite the same.

Towards evening, it started to rain. At first, Joseph didn’t mind it; he had been in worse in his youth, after all, and he was still strong and sturdy – but then –

_Boom_.

Hermit reared up at the sudden sound of the thunder; the crash of lightning and pelting of rain meant Joseph had to find somewhere to shelter, and fast – if he could just get Hermit under control.

_Crash_. A tree toppled to the ground – Hermit screamed – there was a smaller path to the left that Joseph had never noticed before – he desperately tried to reign in Hermit – they turned to the left, racing down the narrow track, the cart crashing along behind them – Joseph clung on, with no idea where they were heading – he heard wolves howling, getting closer and closer – they ran alongside Hermit, and he spurred the horse on –

At last, he saw the gates of a large castle up ahead, and sighed in relief: if there was a nobleman living here, he wouldn’t mind Joseph taking up a little of his massive stables or hallways, right? It was only natural to share and share alike.

The gates opened without anyone to unlock them; Hermit dashed in without Joseph’s input, and Joseph heard the clang of the gates, shutting out the wolves. They were safe.

Hermit clattered to a halt, and Joseph dismounted and led the horse and the remains of the cart into the castle grounds. It was an enormous place, much bigger than Marquis Dio’s mansion, although somewhat run-down; he wondered what lord could possibly live here. He’d never heard of this place; the crest that decorated every arch and doorway was unfamiliar, and as far as he knew there was no mansion this big for miles outside their little town. Strange… but, somehow, it seemed like something he’d seen before. It was on the tip of his tongue…

He stepped forward, into a puddle, and remembered why he was here in the first place: to seek refuge from the rain that even now threatened to soak him to the bone. So he kept walking forward, until at last he reached the front steps.

He left Hermit to wait outside, and cautiously approached the grand front door; carefully, he opened it.

“Hello? Is anybody here? My name is Joseph Joestar, I’m just a lonely traveller seeking shelter for the night. I’d appreciate it if you had some good food or something, because I’m cold and hungry…”

There was no answer, but he heard a whispering in the shadows:

_“Joseph?”_

_“The master will not like it if ‘e stays here, alors.”_

_“But… I know that man. We were friends, once.”_

_“Well, what can we do? You are a clock, mon ami!”_

Joseph frowned, and came further in. “Hello?” he repeated. “Your next line is, ‘by all means, Master Joestar, come in and make yourself comfortable’. Or something.”

_“By all means – dammit, he always does that.”_

_“Quoi, are you an idiot? ‘e’ll ‘ear us!”_

Joseph looked around. The hallway was empty and dark, but he could see a lighted room off to one side; that was probably where the people were. Slowly, he crept in, to a dining room with a blazing fire already burning.

“Ah, I hope you don’t mind if I warm myself here?” There was no answer; he took that as a yes and inched forward until the steam started to rise off his clothes. “I’m very sorry for my intrusion,” he smiled, to the room in general, “but there’s a terrible storm outside. You wouldn’t, perhaps, be able to take care of my horse? I promise it’s only until the storm lets up; I’ll be out of your hair before you know it.”

Then, he smelled something good: cooked meat, and vegetables, and hot food such as he hadn’t expected to be able to get again until he reached Rouen. His stomach grumbled.

There was a plate of food at the far end of the table; he hadn’t noticed it before, only wanting to warm himself, but now…

“Er, is that for me?” he asked. “It’s very kind of you… don’t mind if I do…”

He sat down in front of the plate. God, there was even wine. He tucked in greedily.

“Enjoying it, sir?”

“Why, yes, thank you, I –” He looked around, but there was no one there.

“Here, sir.” Beside his elbow sat what he had thought was an ordinary teapot, a very pretty porcelain number decorated with roses, thorns, and leaves. And it had just talked to him. “Tea, sir?”

“Um…” He swallowed his mouthful and stared. “Did you just talk?”

“Why, yes, sir, I did!” The teapot smiled brightly. “My name’s Holy! Would you like some nice hot tea to warm you up on this cold and stormy night?”

Actually, a cup of tea would do wonders. He could only hope it wasn’t cursed, coming out of a magical teapot. “Well… all right then. Thank you.”

Holy smiles again and leans over one of the two teacups, pouring steaming tea out of her spout as if it was the most normal thing in the world. “There you are, sir. Milk? Sugar?”

“Er, no thank you.” He picks up the teacup. “This is just fine.”

He took a sip, and –

“Ah, it tickles!”

He nearly dropped what, on closer inspection, turned out to be a magical talking teacup with a slight chip in its brim. Well. That was odd.

Holy tutted. “Gappy, don’t squirm so, or next time Abbacchio will be taking your place, and you know how much the master hates using Abbacchio.”

The other teacup sniffed derisively from its place on the table. “It’s not _my_ fault all the tea you put in me ends up tasting weird.”

Joseph cleared his throat. “Erm… well, thank you for the tea, but I should, erm…”

The chipped teacup gasped, not listening to Joseph. “Uh-oh,” it breathed.

A heavy hand landed on Joseph’s shoulder. It was – purple? What kind of thing had purple hands? – with a black fingerless glove covered in golden studs. A terrible voice boomed out from just behind and above Joseph’s chair.

“And just what,” growled the thing, “are you doing in my castle, old man? Leave. Now.”

Joseph swallowed, not daring to turn around. “Please, sir,” he muttered, “I just wanted to get in out of the rain… I don’t have any shelter for the night… if you could find it in the goodness of your heart to…”

The thing’s hand gripped his shoulder tighter, and Joseph was almost certain he felt his bones crack. “You eat my food. You drink my drink. You enter my castle like a common thief. And you expect me to grant you shelter? _Mercy_?”

“Well, um…” Joseph pulled at his collar. “It is quite stormy outside. I promise, sir, I’ll find some way to repay you for your hospitality…”

“Star!” Holy frowned. “You shouldn’t hurt the poor man. He just came in out of the rain; probably got lost. You know how dangerous this area is.”

There was a growl. “Don’t presume to tell me what to do, woman,” spat the thing. “I am in charge here, and my word is law.”

Joseph clears his throat. “I promise, I won’t be here long – I’ll be out of here before the sun is up, and I –”

“Silence!” The thing’s voice echoes through the halls. “I will show you my _hospitality_ ,” it says, in a voice full of venom. “You will never leave this castle again… old man.”

“No, wait – what are you doing – nooooo!”


	3. Barely Even Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Issuing a content warning for this chapter, since it contains a scene of sexual harassment and its aftermath. Nothing hugely explicit, but it might be uncomfortable.

Kakyoin woke up to a loud knock on the door. He sighed and threw on some clothes to answer it. Who could it be? Joseph was away, and none of their other neighbours cared enough to visit them, which only left –

Dio. And a band, and a crowd of people, and Dio’s foolish friend Hol, and Pucci the priest, and a few of Dio’s other lackeys – Vanilla, D’arby the elder, N’doul.

And Dio. Holding flowers. He barged into the house before Kakyoin could get a word in edgeways, shutting the door behind him, and immediately fell on one knee in front of Kakyoin.

“Noriaki Kakyoin, _darling_ – will you marry me?”

“…what? Men can’t marry other men.”

Dio sighed, rolled his eyes, and got up again impatiently. “Yes, of course I know that, I am a Marquis, I have a full education in law. What I’m actually asking is whether or not you will allow me to adopt you as my son. You have no parents, after all; it would be a simple matter for you to be acknowledged as my rightful heir. You could be in line to inherit an entire county; all I ask in return is that you help me collect what is due to me. As my heir, it would be only natural for you to learn the inner workings of the political system for when I am gone.”

Kakyoin stared at Dio for a while. “I’ve told you before,” he said at last, “I don’t want to be involved in your petty tax-collecting squad.”

Dio threw the flowers aside. “You wound me, Kakyoin. I only wish to see your advancement in this society; is that so much to ask? You could be happy, rich, wanting for nothing from I, your benefactor and patron; you would only have to say the word and dozens of men would be at your disposal. You could settle down, get married; I would, of course, be a properly doting grandfather to any of your spawn. You could leave this atrocious little cottage and that loony old coot Joseph where they belong, and finally advance to your proper place. Just say the word.”

“No,” replied Kakyoin, walking to the door firmly. “Now, if you please, I would like to go about my day in peace.”

“Kakyoin, Kakyoin…” Dio strolled in closer, making Kakyoin edge back until he was up against the door. “Why so hasty, hmm? Isn’t my proposition enough for you? Do you, perhaps… want more?” He leant in closer, stroking Kakyoin’s face with one sharp-nailed hand; then, his hand went further down, trailing down’ Kakyoin’s neck, over his rough wool shirt, all the way down to the waist of Kakyoin’s green breeches.

“Don’t,” muttered Kakyoin, looking away. “Please don’t do that.”

“Oh, but Kakyoin, don’t you like it?” Dio leaned in closer, so that his breath brushed against Kakyoin’s ears. “I’ve seen the way your eyes wander, Kakyoin. You may say it’s illegal for a man to love another man, but your heart… You feel it, I know. The pull… to a greater, purer form of love.”

Kakyoin swallowed.

“Come, Kakyoin,” purred Dio, “there is no reason we can’t have a… closer relationship.”

“Please, Dio… stop this. I’m not going to let you –”

“Oh, Kakyoin, I never expected you to _let_ me.” Dio stuck his tongue out and licked along the edge of Kakyoin’s neck. “On the contrary, it will be I who _allows_ you the… pleasure of my company.”

Kakyoin’s searching hand came up against the door handle. He smiled.

“Actually, Dio,” he grinned, “I’d rather not, if that’s all right to you.” He opened the door and stepped aside, allowing Dio to fall forward onto the dirt path in front of the band, the crowd, and, of course, all of his followers.

“What the – pfft! Damn you, Kakyoin! Wrrryyyyy!” Dio coughed and spluttered in the dirt, but it was no use: Kakyoin had already slammed the door. Dio scowled. “If it’s the last thing I do,” he muttered, “I, Dio, will find a way to get you on my side!”

Kakyoin leant back against the door, panting hard, and tried to ignore the uncomfortable feeling in his breeches. It was wrong to feel that way about a man, especially if that man had forced himself upon you, but that didn’t mean his body agreed with him. Damnation. He was probably going to Hell, wasn’t he? Of course, he could find some comfort in the fact that Dio would be there too, but… actually, no, that was worse, because it would mean an eternity of… this.

It took him three ‘Our Father’s and two ‘Hail Mary’s for it to go away; he could hear the crowd and the band filing away slowly, one by one. Thank god none of them had actually seen him. At last, it sounded as though there was no one out there, and he stood up a little shakily. Perhaps a little time outside in the garden would calm him down.

He opened the door, just in time to see a lone horse trotting up the path to the house. It was clearly kitted out for a journey, but it seemed to have lost its rider or whatever it had been pulling. He squinted.

“Hermit? What are you doing without Joseph?”

Hermit trotted up to him and nuzzled his shoulder affectionately; Kakyoin couldn’t help noticing that he still had one of his saddlebags on. It was the one with Joseph’s medicine.

“Why would Joseph leave that…?” muttered Kakyoin. “Hermit… is Joseph all right?”

Hermit whinnied, and Kakyoin frowned. That wasn’t good. Quickly, he went inside to put on a green traveling-cloak and get some supplies; he fastened the door securely behind him and prayed that Dio would not come again.

“All right, Hermit,” he said at last. “Take me to Joseph.” He leapt on and dug in his heels; Hermit sprung forward, back the way he had come: into the forest.


	4. Unexpectedly

Eventually, Hermit trotted through the open gates of the castle, up the long carriageway to where the front steps loomed, imposing; Kakyoin looked up at the dark and gloomy building and swallowed.

“Hermit, are you sure this is the place?”

But Hermit didn’t move. Kakyoin sighed, dismounted, and walked up the steps, into the large, imposing hallway.

“Hello? Is anyone here? I’m looking for my guardian, Joseph Joestar? He’s an old man… I think he might be ill.”

_“A boy?”_

_“He knows the old man in the dungeon, it seems.”_

_“Alors, he might be able to ‘elp ze master!”_

_“Don’t be ridiculous, he’s –“_

“Hello?” Kakyoin crept towards where a small amount of light was spilling from a hallway. “Who’s there? Can you help me, please?”

“Yes, zis way, monsieur!” The shadows moved further away from Kakyoin, bouncing around a corner as if someone was showing him where to go. “Please, follow me!”

Kakyoin looked around; there seemed to be no one else around, so he followed the light. Occasionally it would stop at a corner or junction to check that he was still following; other times, Kakyoin was sure he could hear the whisper of an encouragement – “Zis way! To ze left! Climb these stairs!”

And, at last, he reached a large, cold dungeon where –

“Master Joestar! Are you all right?”

Joseph looked up from his position on the bench: he looked half frozen to death, and he stared at Kakyoin with horror from behind the bars. “Kakyoin, no… He’s too dangerous…”

“Who’s too dangerous?” Kakyoin came closer. “Who put you in here?”

“I did.”

Kakyoin froze on the spot. The voice was deep and terrifying; almost unnatural. “Who are you?” he asked. “Why did you imprison my guardian? He hasn’t done anything wrong!”

“I am the Lord of this castle, and this pitiful man trespassed on MY property, so I have the power and the right to deal with him as I will. Leave, now, or I will ensure that you suffer the same fate as your _guardian_.”

“Kakyoin, please…” Joseph stared at whatever was over his shoulder. “Do as he says. You’re young – you can live a happy life…”

Kakyoin swallowed and turned around to face a hunched figure standing in the shadows.

“Please, there must be some way I can help him,” he said. “Can’t you find it in your heart to let him free?”

“I will not,” growled the voice. “He deserves this.”

“Well then…” Kakyoin thought for a moment. “Then I will take his place.”

“Kakyoin, no!”

The stranger scoffed. “You would take his place? Fool.”

“If… If I did, would you promise to let him go?”

“Good grief. Fine. But...” The shadowed figure looked up, and his blue-green eyes shone through the darkness into Kakyoin’s soul. “You must promise to remain here forever.”

Kakyoin stared back, into those burning eyes. “Let me see you. Come into the light.”

The stranger tutted dismissively but stepped forward, his hands in his pockets.

He was… unholy.

The lord of the castle was massive, taller and broader than any human being Kakyoin had ever seen, with long black hair that floated impossibly above his head crowned with a golden headband. And then there was his skin: not any natural colour, but a lurid purple such as Kakyoin had only seen rarely, in illustrations or when a particularly rich royal came to town. The stranger’s clothes were dyed a similar colour or a shade darker, apart from a red scarf tied around his neck and a pair of golden epaulets fastened to his shoulders. His only concessions to normality were his plain black boots; even those were matched with a pair of black fingerless gloves on his hands that were covered in golden studs.

He opened his hands. “There. You can see me. Will you keep your word now, fool, or will you run like everyone else?”

Behind Kakyoin, Joseph whimpered. “No, Kakyoin… he’s a monster…”

“I…” Kakyoin steeled himself. “No, I will keep my word. If that is what is required to ensure that Joseph is all right, then that is what I must do.”

“Then I will also keep my word.” The demon strode up to the bars of the dungeon and opened the door, gesturing Joseph to come out; Joseph obeyed hesitantly.

“Kakyoin…” The old man looked at Kakyoin desperately.

“Joseph, don’t –"

With that, he felt a rough hand shove him into the dungeon; he collapsed to the ground and looked up just in time to see the demon slamming the door to the cell behind him.

Despite all Hol’s efforts, Dio was still moping around late into the evening, taking his usual armchair by the fire of the pub with only ten percent of his usual dramatic flair. So, naturally, Hol called in the Dio expert: the local religious nob, Pucci.

“What’s the matter, my son?” purred the Reverend, leaning closer to Dio’s ear. “Are you quite well?”

Dio groaned. “I’m older than you, and no. A pretty boy humiliated me.”

“Oh, what a shame.” Pucci shrugged helplessly. “How is the great Lord Dio, Marquis of a whole county in France, with the body of an Adonis and the mind of a Minerva, ever going to convince a sweet little farm boy like Noriaki Kakyoin to join you? It’s almost as if you have no power or wealth whatsoever.”

Dio sighed. “Truly, it does feel that way sometimes.”

“It’s a shame to see you this way, Dio,” murmured Pucci. “Especially such a popular, handsome man such as yourself.” He stroked along the line of Dio’s chin with one sharp-nailed finger. “Come, now, everyone else in this village admires you and loves you as their Marquis, isn’t that right, Hol?”

Hol swallowed. He always felt like he was interrupting something when Dio and Pucci were together, like the chaperones who sat with him and his lady friends during their private chats.

“Sure thing, Lord Dio,” he replied, “Y’all are a great leader, an’ all.”

“Hmm…” Dio frowns and looks away. Pucci leant in closer.

“Really, Dio, you’re twice the man that you think you are,” he continued. “You’re tough, and manly, and intelligent… Why do you waste your time on such small fry as Kakyoin, hmm? You’re so much better than that!”

“I suppose…” Dio looked up. “I suppose I am pretty great, aren’t I?”

“That’s the spirit!” Pucci touched Dio’s lips with two fingers. “God has blessed you, my Lord, to be better and stronger and greater than everyone else, for a glorious purpose. You don’t need that boy, that pup. And if you do…” He let his voice trail away, and Dio smiled under his fingers.

“Ah, Enrico,” he grinned, showing a particularly sharp pair of incisors, “you always know what to say to a man to put a fire in his belly.”

“Good,” purred Pucci. “I’m glad you’re feeling better, my Lord.”


	5. Both a Little Scared

“Bring that man home in the coach. As for you…” The lord of the castle stared dispassionately at Kakyoin through the bars. “Enjoy your new home.”

Kakyoin pushed himself up onto his hands and knees. “Wait! I didn’t even say goodbye properly… Will I truly never see him again?”

The demon scowls. “If he values his life, he will not come back here.”

Kakyoin swallowed. To never see the man who had become almost a second father… “I suppose I have no one, then.”

A strange voice – one of the ones that had led Kakyoin to this dungeon in the first place – whispered from somewhere in the shadows. “Master! You cannot leave ‘im in ‘ere to rot! Where is your ‘umanity?”

“Tch.” The demon turned away. “That was cursed away long ago, Polnareff, and you know it. However. We are not barbarians. Open the door.”

The door opened, and Kakyoin got up, hardly believing his luck. The demon was still standing outside the door with his arms folded, along with –

“Why is there a clock here?” asked Kakyoin.

“Oh, hello, sir,” replied the clock cheerfully. Its face was, perhaps, walnut wood, with two golden hands pointing to 5 and 7. “I am Avdol, once a great fortune-teller and magician, now reduced to my present state by the same curse which afflicts my master, and –“

“Silence.” The demon glared at Avdol. “Boy, you will follow me to your quarters. Polnareff, go on ahead and get it ready for him, will you?”

The candlestick on the floor – which, up to now, Kakyoin thought was an ordinary candlestick – gave a salute to the demon. “Oui, monsieur! I will ensure it is – ‘ow you say – spick and span!” With that, it began hopping off, apparently of its own free will.

“What in the blazes?” gaped Kakyoin. “Is everything in this castle enchanted?”

The demon shrugged and begins to follow after the candlestick. “More or less. Come on.”

Kakyoin, seeing no other choice, trailed along after him.

They passed through great halls and corridors – Kakyoin began to feel a little lost – full of all sorts of ornamentation and finery, such as Kakyoin had never seen before. This man – demon – thing must be one of the highest levels of nobility – but why, then, had Kakyoin never heard tell of him? Surely this mansion would count his own village as part of its domain, since they were so nearby. Why, then, was the Marquis Dio – a low-level landlord of only one or two villages – the one who collected taxes and oversaw laws? It was almost as if this castle didn’t exist…

Eventually, they reached the main grand staircase, and Kakyoin heard something small and four-legged galloping up from a side-corridor.

“Ah,” muttered the demon, “here comes Iggy.”

And, sure enough, a little black-and-white footstool came bounding up to Avdol and licked his clockface eagerly with a loose tassel. Kakyoin rubbed his eyes. The demon sighed.

“Come on,” he grunts. “Rooms are up this way, boy _,_ if you can stop goggling at my household.”

“Who are you calling boy?” demanded Kakyoin angrily. “I’m almost eighteen! I could be married by now, you know!”

The demon looked back at him without changing his expression. “Well? Are you married?”

“No…”

“Then stop saying stupid things.” With that, the demon turned away again and continued up the stairs. “Oh, and by the way, you can go anywhere in the castle, but…” he gestured to the left. “Not the west wing. Clear?”

Kakyoin scowled. “Perfectly,” he muttered.

At last, they reached the room that the demon seemed to point at randomly with a grunt of, “Here.” Kakyoin looked over his shoulder as he opened the door, where the candlestick – Polnareff? – was hurriedly directing a group of feather-dusters and brooms around the largest, fanciest bedroom Kakyoin had seen in his life.

“This is… all for me?” he asked, not quite believing it.

“Yes,” grunted the demon.

“Ah, master! I was just finishing up…” Polnareff turned and saluted with a grin. “We ‘ave everything in readiness for your guest.”

“Good.” The demon nodded and turned away. “Then I’ll go.”

“Ahem…” The candlestick – the actual candlestick – cleared its throat. “Are you not forgetting something, Master?”

“No.”

Polnareff folded his candles in a very familiar human gesture. “I ‘ope monsieur would not be so rude as to forget to invite ‘is honoured guest to dinner.”

The demon grunted. “Fine. You, boy, will join me for dinner.”

With that, he stalked away, leaving Kakyoin with a group of talking household items.

“So…” Kakyoin slumped down onto the freshly-made bed: it felt softer and more comfortable than any he’d been in in his entire life. “I suppose I’m stuck here, then.”

Polnareff hopped up to him and smiled. “Cheer up, mon ami, we do not mean you any ‘arm.” He spread his candlesticks wide. “Why, I’m sure everyone in zis castle is ‘appy to welcome you! Jesu knows, we ‘ave not ‘ad many ozzer visitors…”

“Or any at all,” added Avdol forlornly. “Although I can’t say I approve of the master’s way of making friends.”

“I do not call it friendship at all,” retorted Kakyoin. “I call it kidnap and unjust imprisonment by some unholy demon’s spawn or sorcerer of a lord. The way he treated master Joestar, an innocent old man who has done nothing wrong…”

Polnareff sighed. “It is true, ze master has no sense of ‘ow to treat a guest in need… ‘owever, it was just such a visitor who cursed ‘im, ‘is entire ‘ousehold, and ‘is own mozzer to ze fate you see before you now.”

Kakyoin looked up at the candlestick and the clock. “So… what happened here, then? How did you get like this?”

With a great sigh, Avdol closed his eyes. “It was a long time ago, when the young master’s father had not long been at war…”

And he began to tell the story of the curse, with Kakyoin listening quietly and rather sulkily.

“Well, that gives me an even worse impression of your so-called ‘master’,” huffed Kakyoin, once Avdol had described the events surrounding the curse. “So far, you’ve told me he’s a drunkard, gambler, delinquent, a cruel master and a selfish lord. If anyone should apologise, it is him for all the wrong he has done.”

“Ah, zat is one story, monsieur,” said Polnareff quietly. “Zat is ze story zat was being spread by a Marquis in our young master’s dukedom, just before ze curse removed any memory of zis castle in ze outside world. ‘Owever…”

“You’re going to tell me he really has a heart of gold, is that it?” asked Kakyoin, irritably. “Well, I don’t want to hear it. As far as I’m concerned, he has been nothing but uncivilized to me and to my guardian ever since Master Joestar had the misfortune to stumble upon this wretched place.”

Avdol sighed. “Well, it was that curse which brought us to our present state, anyway. Everyone in the castle was affected, as you can see, even the master’s dog Iggy. We have been like this ever since.”

“There, you see?” Kakyoin folded his arms angrily. “It’s his fault you’re like this. No consideration for those below him.”

“Well…”

“Forget it, Avdol, Polnareff,” declared Kakyoin with finality, “I’m not going to forgive him for what he has done.”

The two objects glanced at each other sadly but left the room.


	6. Neither One Prepared

There was a pounding on the door. “Boy! I thought I told you to come to dinner.”

“No thank you,” called Kakyoin. “I’m not hungry.”

“Come out and face me, coward!” yelled the demon from the other side of the door. “Or are you not man enough to gaze upon my hideous face, hmm?”

“Pox blast you, halfwit, can you not leave me in peace?” Kakyoin shouted back. “I wish you would burn in hell!”

“Oh, is that how it is?” The hammering on the door got more violent. “Open the door, villain, or I shall break it down!”

“Try it, knave!”

There was a muttering on the other side of the door. “I… apologise.” Kakyoin could hear the demon’s teeth grinding, even through a span’s thickness of wood. “Will you come down to dinner?”

“No!”

Some rather more annoyed muttering, and then: “It would give me great pleasure… if you would join me for dinner.”

“It wouldn’t give me any pleasure whatsoever,” retorts Kakyoin.

“Fine,” grunted the demon through the door. “Then you shall not eat at all.”

Kakyoin listened to his footsteps thud furiously away, feeling as though they were shaking the entire building; at last, there was a much smaller, lower knock on the door, and he sighed. “Come in.”

Avdol and Polnareff peered in from the hallway.

“Monsieur…” Polnareff cleared his throat. “Do not set store by what ze master says when ‘e is angry. Come, now, surely you are a little ‘ungry, non?”

Kakyoi swallowed: it was true, he hadn’t eaten anything since the day before, as he had left the town in such a hurry. “Well… can you promise that _he_ will not be there?”

“We promise,” nodded Avdol solemnly. “Your dinner, I think, will be in peace.”

“Monsieur, please feel free to eat!”

“All this?”

“ _Oui, naturalmente_! Be our guest!”

‘Dinner’, it turned out, was multiple courses (how could you be so rich as to divide each meal into several smaller meals?) of absolute, decadent _magic_. There was deliciously-sauced meat, fancy vegetables from foreign parts (“That’s a tomato.”), intricate pastries, wine (more than one kind!), some sort of absolutely gorgeous grey paste, expensive fish, and more sugar than he had ever tasted in his entire life (“We grow our own, monsieur, in ze green’ouses.”). He was probably going to feel awfully sick later, but he didn’t care: rich people food was _amazing_.

(Rich _demon_ food, he corrected himself, and suddenly didn’t feel as hungry. It was probably cursed or something: maybe he’d turn into a flowerpot or Jesu knows what else. Not that it wasn’t worth it, of course.)

“Tea, sir?” came a small, pleasant voice by his elbow. “Tea is always nice at the end of a meal, I think.”

“Yes, thank you, that would be –” He stopped and looked around at the voice.

A talking teapot. That was all he needed. The teapot beamed at him, as if he hadn’t had enough of magical objects for a lifetime. “My name’s Holy, sir!”

He stared at the teapot, flanked by a cheerful-looking teacup with a chip in its rim and a sour-looking teacup with a much darker pattern. “Er… good evening, I suppose…”

The teapot leaned over the cup with the chipped rim carefully, making sure not to spill. “Here you are, sir, a nice hot cup of tea. Milk or sugar?”

“Um, no thank you…” Kakyoin swallowed.

“I must say, it’s been a while since we’ve had anyone to stay in this castle,” continued the teapot blithely. “But I’m sure we can make things agreeable for you!” With that, she nudges the now full teacup forward. “Here, sir, don’t mind Gappy, he’s still learning. And this other charming young teacup is Abbacchio.”

The sour-looking teacup scowled at him. “Enchanted to make your acquaintance.”

“Er…” Kakyoin nodded tentatively. “Pleasure.”


	7. To Say The Least

“Well, monsieur, ‘ow did you like our ‘ospitality?” smirked Polnareff.

“Very well, thank you,” replied Kakyoin politely. “It seems like a very nice place.”

Avdol brightened up. “Oh, it is, sir, it is! Would you like us to show you around?”

“Very much so.” Kakyoin got up and followed the candlestick and the clock out of the dining room, through lavishly decorated corridors, ballrooms, drawing-rooms, and even the serving-areas. At last they seemed to have run out of things to show him – “The master would be furious if we let you into his library”, commented Avdol innocently – and the conversation seemed to have dried out as well.

“So…” Kakyoin smiled thinly, trying to keep the clock talking. “Is there, er, any particular reason why you’re a clock, and not a plate or something?”

Polnareff groaned teasingly. “Oh, monsieur, do not get ‘im started…”

Avdol scratched the 3 on his cheek. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Polnareff. It wouldn’t be so bad if I were to tell the young man that everyone in the castle – except the master, of course – transformed into whatever object we were standing closest to at the time?”

“Non.” The candlestick smirked and waved a candle dismissively. “Zat is fine. Go on.”

“Thank you.” Avdol turned back to Kakyoin. “As I was saying. It was like this: Madame Holy was serving tea to a visiting nobleman, Sir Abbacchio, with the help of the pageboy Gappy; I was leaning on a grandfather clock talking to Polnareff, who was standing next to a candlestick; Iggy was sleeping on a footstool, and so on and so forth.” He sighed. “I only wish I could have been something more accurate to who I really am…”

“Come, Avdol,” drawled Polnareff, “you are not still complaining of zat, surely? It’s been long enough that you should be used to it.”

Avdol frowned. “It just makes no sense to me why you’re the candlestick. _I’m_ the fire-breathing magician, after all.”

Polnareff waved one of his flames. “Ah, _mon bien-aimé_ , but I am ze one wiz… ‘ow you say… ze spark of life. It is natural.”

Avdol hmphed and turned away. “That’s nonsense, Polnareff, and you know it.”

Kakyoin watched them bicker harmlessly for a while until all three come up to the grand staircase. He looked up, down, and considered making a break for it. But… he was curious. And the front door was probably locked anyway. It wouldn’t hurt to at least try the West Wing, right? Maybe he could find something in there to use against the demon – a spell-book to banish him back to Hell, for example, or maybe some way to transform him back into a human being.

It wouldn’t hurt.

He slipped away, just as Avdol was beginning to explain to Polnareff the finer points of why he should be a candlestick: it sounded like an argument they’d had over and over till there was no real malice left in it, and Kakyoin almost felt himself wishing that he had a friend to debate with like that. Or, well, any friend at all would be nice.

He shook his head impatiently and continued away down the West Wing hallway. There was no time for dilly-dallying if he was to find out anything at all about the demon’s best-kept secrets; he could feel sorry for himself later in the safety of Joseph’s cottage.

At the end of the dark and gloomy corridor – did the demon not like light, perhaps? – stood a pair of double doors. There was no harm in trying to open them. There was no harm in keeping them open, either. There was no harm in walking inside. There was definitely no harm in just looking around.

The massive room was in shambles – in fact, not just a shambles. It looked as though a wild animal had torn through everything that could be torn, knocked over everything that could be knocked over, and splintered or shattered everything that could possibly be broken. There was nothing whole in sight, apart from the floor, which was barely visible anyway through the remnants of whatever had decorated this room so beautifully before. In one corner, a four-poster bed looked as if it had been pummelled into oblivion (how strong _was_ this demon, anyway?).

Kakyoin crept forward slowly. On either side of him, piles of rags that might once have been clothes or curtains littered the floor. In front of him, just past a large pillar, the entrance to a balcony; he decided to save that for last.

There didn’t seem to be any hint in the room about how to banish the demon. Although… there was a portrait-frame on the other side of the pillar. Kakyoin inched closer: there was no harm in looking.

The portrait was slashed and torn, as if with a knife; Kakyoin did his best to put the pieces back up into some sort of order.

It showed a youth with dark hair and blueish eyes, no older than ten years old, dressed in a dark blue high-collared jacket buttoned to the neck in the style of certain military regiments. On his head was a black cap with a single golden button, such as now adorned the centre of Star’s headband. The boy stood to attention, serious but not forbidding, looking out at the remains of his life, and Kakyoin wondered what on earth had happened to turn this boy into the terrifying, aggressive Star.

The painter had signed it, in a small, neat, flowing script:

‘Painting of the Heir to the Estate, Young Master JoJo, by the Great Rohan Kishibe. For his Lordship, Monsieur S, and her Ladyship, Madame H, in the Year of Our Lord 17—. _Vivat rex_.’

Kakyoin frowned. JoJo, eh?

He moved on.

In the middle of the balcony, there was a small pedestal that came about to Kakyoin’s chest; on top was a large, perfectly red rose captured in a glass jar, seeming almost to hover above the stone. It looked as though it had lost a few petals already; Kakyoin stared at it for a while, trying to figure out why this, of all things, should be unbroken. It certainly was a very pretty rose, but…

“I see you have picked up bad habits from your _guardian_ ,” growled a voice from behind him. He jumped and spun around: of course it was the demon, his fists bunched up and his body in a fighting position. “Come to steal, have you?”

“I certainly have not,” Kakyoin hissed. “There is nothing valuable in this room anyway.”

“Get out. Now.”

“Make me,” Kakyoin sneered.

The demon cricked his neck. “Very well –” With that, he stepped closer, suddenly looking a whole lot bigger and stronger –

and Kakyoin was intelligent enough to know that even without the possible influence of magic, bigger and stronger usually won. So he used the technique that Joseph had once taught him, in a fit of fatherly feeling: dodge and run. He heard the beast turn behind him, those thundering steps advancing much faster than Kakyoin had expected –

and oh, _damn_ , because bigger and stronger was one thing but bigger, stronger _and_ faster was a whole different thing. He sped up, shooting down the grand staircase – he had to get out, had to escape this mad terrifying demon as fast as he could, never mind that he’d promised to stay – who knew what kind of abuse he might receive if he let himself be caught again? It would probably be back in the prison cell, that dungeon where it felt cold and frosty even in summer.

He threw open the double doors as hard as he could, ignoring the shouts behind him from Avdol and Polnareff and the demon, and scurried down the front steps without pausing for breath.

There was Hermit still, waiting outside the steps where Kakyoin had left him, saddle and all; all Kakyoin had to do was leap on (which, really, he could have had more practice, but he wasn’t going to miss a chance like this) and dig in his heels. If he could just catch up with the carriage that had apparently taken Joseph away, they could go home together and be free of this damned castle, assuming the monster in the West Wing didn’t call up a fleet of demons to chase after him –

Hermit galloped out of the gate into the forest as fast as he could, with Kakyoin urging him on over the rough path. Further out, over fallen trees and branches (jumping was not Hermit’s specialty, he was a carthorse more than anything), away from the – wolves?

Oh, Hell. The monster really was calling up his fellow demons to chase them. Grey shapes whispered through the trees on either side of him, keeping pace with Hermit easily, barking and howling, closer and closer –

No weapons, of course. Damnation. He should have picked up the nearest talking object, just to be on the safe side.

The wolves began to circle in closer, running in front of and behind the horse – not too close to Hermit’s massive hooves, but too close not to make Kakyoin slow down a little. One particularly large set of teeth passed almost under Hermit’s nose, and the poor thing reared up –

Damn, damn, damn, he’d never been the best rider, Joseph was the one who knew how to keep Hermit calm, damn it all, he was going to –

Fall. He landed beside the terrified-looking Hermit inside a circle of suddenly fascinated red eyes. A forest of bristles growled around him, hackles raised, creeping forward with every breath. The trees around him loomed blackly in the dark night.

One step closer. Kakyoin scrambled to his feet, catching onto Hermit’s reins with one hand, and searched around for a weapon, anything to fight against the wolves.

Then – “ORA!”

It was the demon. Heaven knew how he’d got here with a speed to rival a galloping horse, but he was here now, alternating between roaring at the wolves and actually _punching_ them. Kakyoin had never seen anything like it – the beast was actually punching wolves, and it was actually working. He tried to pinch himself, just to make sure he hadn’t gone mad, and concluded that it wasn’t him, it was the entire world that had gone mad.

Just as he settled on this, the beast picked up one wolf by the tail and swung it round, hitting all the other wolves that were beginning to circle in. Unbelievable. Kakyoin shook himself and looked around again, finding only a small tree branch with which to do his part.

Well, most of the wolves had run away by now, anyway, except for a few which – uh-oh. They had managed to creep into the demon’s blind spot. Kakyoin swallowed, and was about to raise his makeshift club, but – it was too late. The wolves pounced on the demon, biting and snarling.

Kakyoin swung the branch and hit one, two, three wolves away; he brandished it at the others threateningly, and they seemed to get the idea. At last, the last of them limped away, and Kakyoin had a moment to look at the now-savaged demon.

It was bad. He hadn’t thought demons even did bleed, and this one was bleeding a lot. On the one hand, the beast deserved it for his horrific treatment of Kakyoin and Joseph, but on the other… he _had_ saved Kakyoin’s life.

Kakyoin looked around. The path stretched out in both directions, towards and away from the castle. If he hurried, he could catch up with Joseph…

The demon groaned pitifully, and Kakyoin sighed. Damnation. He really was soft in the head, wasn’t he?

Carefully, he dragged the semi-conscious and very heavy demon onto Hermit and led the both of them back to the castle. Perhaps he could escape another time…


	8. Finding You Can Change

“I didn’t expect you to bleed red,” commented Kakyoin quietly. “I was expecting it to be purple like the rest of you.” He dabbed at the demon’s nearest injury; the beast hissed and gritted his teeth.

“Believe it or not, boy,” he muttered, “I was as human as you once.”

“Yes, I heard.” Kakyoin wiped out another wound.

The demon scowled. “Those fools who call themselves my servants will tell you anything,” he muttered. “And boys like you believe them.”

“I am not a ‘boy’,” Kakyoin hissed, pressing the cloth against a large bite mark as hard as he could. “I have a name, not that you’ve bothered to ask.”

To his credit, the demon barely flinched at Kakyoin’s rough treatment. “Then what is it?”

Kakyoin turned away to rinse out the cloth. “Perhaps you should have asked earlier.”

“Very funny,” frowned the demon. “Are you always this flippant with those who have just saved your life?”

“I generally don’t get into that kind of situation,” Kakyoin replied. “And I certainly do not risk it with devils such as yourself.”

“I am not a devil,” growled the demon. “I told you, I am a human being.”

“Then why’d you raise Hell to chase me?” demanded Kakyoin angrily. “I suppose you think wolves are the perfect way to keep someone locked in a castle!”

“What?” The demon stared at him in disbelief. “Do you seriously think _I_ summoned those wolves? I fought them off for you, you ungrateful lout!”

Kakyoin folded his arms and turned away in a huff. “It could all have been a ploy to get me to take pity on you.”

“For Heaven’s sake.” The demon groans and rubs his forehead. “The wolves have been there since before I have born. Before I took over the castle, my father tried many times to rout the pack from the forest, but they continued to return. Happy?”

“No,” said Kakyoin simply. “I don’t believe you.”

“Look.” The demon grabbed the extra cloth from the washbowl and began to wipe at his own wounds impatiently. “If I had planned this, I wouldn’t have gotten so badly injured, would I? I would have had some element of control over the wolves.”

“ _You_ look, demon,” hissed Kakyoin. “You may have a silver tongue, but you can’t fool me. I won’t be bewitched by your Hellish powers.”

The demon scowled. “Exorcize me then. Go on. Try it if you dare.”

“I will.” Kakyoin cleared his throat and performed the sign of the cross. “Our Father…”

After several prayers and all the relevant verses Kakyoin could remember, he slowed down, and eventually came to a complete halt without reaching any conclusion. The demon still sat there watching him impassively, bloody cloth discarded into the washbowl.

“There,” muttered the probably-not-a-demon. “Now do you believe me?”

“I admit,” conceded Kakyoin, “that demons would probably have had a more extreme reaction.”

“Yes?” The purple man gestured for him to continue. “And?”

“And I think that if you are a human, as you say, you should behave yourself in a manner more appropriate for a human of your station.”

The purple man groaned and drew his hand over his face. “Jesu almighty, knave, you know how to try a man –"

“We shall have to start by working on that temper,” scolded Kakyoin tersely.

“You’re impossible.”

“And yet we must, according to your rules, live together for the rest of our natural lives.” Kakyoin picked up his cloth again and shrugged. “If that is the case, we must learn to put up with each other – you with me and I with you.”

The purple man scoffed. “ _You_ must put up with your guardian’s just punishment.”

“And you must not chase your own prisoners away,” huffed Kakyoin, rinsing the cloth.

“Well…” The purple man sighed. “Then you should not have been in the West Wing where I _specifically_ told you not to come.”

“I concede that,” replied Kakyoin. “However…” He pressed the cloth against the purple man’s wound once more. “Your hatred of me is clear, and I do not feel particularly well-disposed towards you –”

“Stop there,” insisted the purple man, holding up one hand. “If you were not of a mind to notice before, I was the one to save your life. I do not by any means hate you. I simply wish the rules that I set to be followed.”

“I will not let you rule my life like a –” Kakyoin clenched his fist and grimaced. “No, that is not what I meant to say. I do not like being ordered about, however… I believe it is not fitting for two people living in such close proximity to fear and scorn one another. Therefore, perhaps we can have a compromise.”

The purple man nodded tersely. “Go on.”

“First of all…” Kakyoin cleared his throat. “Since you are so insistent on being a human, sir, may I enquire as to your name?”

The not-demon looked away. “I… I don’t remember my real name,” he muttered, at last. “But you may address me as Star.”

Kakyoin nodded and wrung out the cloth again. “Well, thank you, then, Star, for saving my life.”

“What…” Star hesitated, then gasped as the cloth came into contact with his wound. “What may I call you?”

“My name is Noriaki Kakyoin. I would thank you to remember it.” Carefully, Kakyoin wiped a little more blood away from Star’s purple skin. “And I think we should try to be friends again.”

Star looked at him thoughtfully. “Agreed.”

“What do you think, Madame Holy?” asked Avdol quietly, from where several of the household objects were gathered to watch the two humans (or near humans). “Do you reckon they can get along?”

Holy smiled widely. “Of course they can! Now that they’ve got all those silly notions about demons out into the open, I think they’ll be able to become the best of friends. You never know, Kakyoin might even be able to… well, you know.”

“What?” Polnareff gasped. “You do not mean… but madame, zat is impossible.”

Holy giggled. “Oh, Polnareff, nothing is impossible! You just have to wait and see…”


	9. And Strange

The fire in the public house had long died down by the time Pucci left; Dio watched him go with a smug smile, apparently restored to full confidence by Pucci’s encouragement.

“Well, Hol,” he grinned, “I think it is time to retire, don’t you think?”

“Er, yes, Lord Dio, I –”

“Hey! ‘Scuse me!”

It was the weird old man who lived on the edge of the village – Jo… something. Dio looked up, intrigued.

“Ah, Mister Joestar, what has you here so late – or should I say, early?”

Mister Joestar gulped. “I need help – Kakyoin has been kidnapped!”

“Kidnapped?” gasped Dio. “My, my! What a calamity!”

“By whom?” asked Vanilla, one of the regulars. “Spaniards?”

The old man shuddered. “No, sir, it was… a beast!”

“A beast?” Dio repeated, looking more and more interested. “What kind of beast?”

Vanilla snorted. “Come on, Lord Dio, don’t believe everything that comes out of this madman’s mouth.”

But Joseph ignored Vanilla and spread his hands wide, shaping out a monstrous silhouette in the air: “He was… big! And purple! And strong, impossibly strong! And…” He shuddered. “With hair that floated and eyes that glowed blue!”

Several of the listening drinkers – Vanilla, D’arby (both of them), Steely Dan – burst into snickers at that, not even bothering to hide their obvious scorn from the feeble old man. Dio, however… Dio simply leaned forward, his eyes suddenly glinting in the half-light of the quiet tavern.

“Purple, you say?”

“Come, Lord Dio,” scoffed Dan from the side-lines, “don’t tell me you actually believe this halfwit old codger?”

Dio raised an eyebrow at him. “Indeed I do, Dan. And I think we should… help him in any way we can.”

“’Help’ him?” smirked Vanilla. “Oh yes, I reckon we can ‘help’ him all right. Help him right to the loony bin, eh lads?”

The others laughed.

“Quiet, you,” hissed Dio. “Master Joestar, please by all means do not pay any attention to those uncivilized louts. Where exactly did you see this hideous creature?”

Joseph swallowed. “It was… about a day’s ride from here, on the path to Rouen. There is a tree down on the road, and beside that is a path leading to the creature’s abode.”

“And this beast…” Dio leaned forward. “Would you say it is dangerous?”

“Oh, yes,” nodded Joseph. “It is incredibly strong… I don’t know what it might do to Kakyoin.”

There was a pause while Dio seemed to mull over this idea. “Well,” he said at last, “as the Marquis of the village, it is of course my duty to assist any villagers of mine in need. Especially _dear_ Kakyoin and his… esteemed guardian. Would you perhaps consent to leading us there?”

Joseph hesitated for a moment. “Well…”

“Not immediately, of course,” added Dio, almost as an afterthought. “To properly hunt such a dangerous creature, we will all need plenty of sleep. But… say we meet at midday tomorrow. How does that sound, mister Joestar?”

Joseph frowned. “I’ve… er… mislaid my horse.”

“Oh, no need to worry about that, dear boy,” drawled Dio, waving a hand. “You can always share Hol’s mount, isn’t that right, Hol?”

Hol Horse looked up from his seat. “Er… right y’are, Lord Dio. I’m sure Emperor wouldn’t mind the extra weight.”

“Perfect,” smirked Dio. “Then everything is arranged.”

The next day, in an attempt to reconcile with Star further, Kakyoin attended dinner with him; the two sat in silence, not entirely sure how to start a conversation. Kakyoin couldn’t help noticing that someone – or something – had taken the time to change Star’s bandages; perhaps there was a transformed physician among the many household objects.

“Sit with me,” Star said, flatly, once they were done. “Surely there is more we can say to each other than ‘hello’.”

Kakyoin sighed but followed Star to a pair of armchairs by the fire; there was no use fighting about it when it was such a small request. At least, Kakyoin was pretty sure it was a request; Star seemed used to ordering people around, and even though he seemed very slightly gentler about it now, Kakyoin could still hear the ingrained voice of command.

“So,” he started, despite having nothing to say.

“Yes,” replied Star flatly.

This really wasn’t getting anywhere. Kakyoin shifted in his seat. “Did you know, the sternum consists of three sections?”

Star frowned at him. “Excuse me?”

“It’s, um, a discovery by Vesalius,” continued Kakyoin nervously. “The bone that connects the ribs together. It’s composed of the manubrium, the main body, and the xiphoid process. It’s not exactly a recent discovery, but… well, I thought it was interesting.”

“Mm,” replied Star. “What else has he discovered?”

Kakyoin gulped. Having Star chase him in anger was intimidating enough; now the purple giant simply stared at him with all the intensity of the blazing furnace in the fireplace below them, silently estimating the value of Kakyoin’s character. “Um… There’s also a, um, canal in the foetus between the umbilical vein and the vena cava – that’s one of the main veins of the body, you know, and…” He trailed off under Star’s implacable stare. “Well, that’s about all I can remember about it, actually. Um.”

“I see,” Star replied, his face completely expressionless. “How interesting.”

“Er… yes.”

Star leant back in his armchair and reached towards one of the side-tables, which stepped forward to greet his searching hand. To Kakyoin’s surprise, the item Star picked up was a very nice carved ebony tobacco-pipe; he gestured with it towards Kakyoin. “Do you partake, Kakyoin? I hear it’s good for the heart.”

“No, sir, I don’t believe I’ve ever tried. It’s a little expensive for my means.”

“Ah.” Star filled the bowl contemplatively and tamped it down. “Well, if you’d like to share a pipe with me, I reckon it’s easily within my means.”

“ _Everything_ is within your means,” Kakyoin sighed.

Star grunted, then lit a taper from the fire and used it to get the tobacco smoking. After a few moments of reflective puffing, he muttered, “Yes, everything. Everything except that which I do not have.”

Kakyoin didn’t dare ask what he meant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The information about anatomy should be correct, although the information about tobacco smoking being good for you is definitely not.


	10. You Were Wrong

“So, Joseph,” Dio purred, “where might we find this mysterious track into this mysterious castle? How much farther, _prey_?”

“Uh… not too much…” Joseph gulped. “There was a tree that feel down in front of myself and Hermit, so as soon as we see that…”

“We’ve been riding for hours.” Dio scowls. “Pucci, Hol, one of you tell him what I hate most of all?”

Pucci leans forward in his saddle. “Long delays, my lord Marquis.”

A wolf howled in the distance; Joseph perked up. “Listen! We’re close!”

“Are y’all sure?” asked Hol, politely.

Joseph prods him. “Here! Stop here! Look, there’s the tree… but I’m certain it fell down… It must have… perhaps there’s some magic here…”

Pucci sighed and rolled his eyes. “Lord Marquis, are we really going to listen to this daft old codger any longer? He is clearly going senile.”

“No, I’m certain it’s…” Joseph hesitated. “That way?”

Dio snapped his fingers. “I’m tired of this. Where is Kakyoin?”

“He… the Beast took him…”

“Now, Master Joestar, you know there is no such thing as mysterious beasts, magic spells, and suchlike,” explained Dio quietly. “They go against God’s natural order, is that not so, Pucci?”

“Most certainly, my lord,” purred Pucci.

“So perhaps we can give up this whole charade and go home?” continued Dio, looking at his black-painted nails. “Most likely Kakyoin is back at home, happily unaware of this whole desperate charade, hmm?”

Joseph looked from one to the other. “But… I’m not making it up… and if you thought that…”

“Well, I want Kakyoin to be a tax collector for me,” replied Dio, unconcerned. “I’d like to see him safe, but if this is all an old wives’ tale… or, more like an old _husband’s_ tale…”

“But –” Joseph holds pleadingly onto Hol. “He’s with the –”

“Shut up!” With a snarl, Dio snapped his fingers. “No more talk of beasts! You try my patience sorely, old man, but I _will_ have Kakyoin on my side, I _will_ entice him into my bed, I will –”

“Kakyoin will never be with you!” shouted Joseph. “You’re disgusting!”

Dio stared at him for a moment, and then trotted his horse closer to Hol’s. Hol leaned away from Joseph. And Dio punched Joseph off Hol’s horse.

“Fool,” comments Pucci. “Hol, tie the man up so he does not disturb Marquis Dio any longer.”

Hol had not got where he was today by disobeying orders. So, he did as he was told.

“Very good,” remarked Dio, already turning his horse for home. “Now he won’t interfere with my plans, at least. This was a tragedy, you understand? Poor, unstable Joseph, wandered off into the woods… and poor, sweet Kakyoin left with no one as his guardian but me.”

Dio chuckled wryly. Yes, wryly. As in, ‘Wrrryyyyyhahahahaha…” It was the strangest sound Holden Maximillian Aurelius Farnsworth Montague Horsefield the Third, Esquire, had ever heard; luckily, he would never have to hear it again after that particular incident.

“Er… right y’are, Lord Dio,” he managed. “Whatever ya say.”

“Good.” And with that, Dio flounced away.

Snow had fallen around the de—no, Star’s castle; Kakyoin, having decided to come out for a turn about the garden, was regretting it immensely. It was too blasted cold to be wandering around in an ill-fitting overcoat. Still, he needed the exercise, otherwise he was sure he’d go stir-crazy. No wonder the beast and his posse were a little… odd: such self-isolation would make anyone strange.

Without warning, two large, purple hands descended on his shoulders from behind, and Kakyoin almost jumped before he realised that a second coat had just been laid around his shoulders.

“Here,” rumbled the low voice of Star. “You look cold.”

Kakyoin gulped. “Er…” It _was_ a lot warmer. “Thank you.” He should say something else. “Would you, er, care to join me for my exercise?”

Star looked down at him. “Would I not be intruding upon your private thoughts?”

“I…” He shook his head, and: “I wouldn’t mind a bit of company.”

“Very well.” Star fell into step with Kakyoin; for a few moments, the two of them continued around the garden in silence.

But when Star wasn’t looking –

_Paff_. A large, expertly aimed snowball barrelled into the side of his head; Kakyoin grinned at him. Star raised an eyebrow and chuckled: “Is that a challenge, knave?”

Kakyoin was already balling up another snowball. “Try to dodge this, villain.”

Soon enough, the snowballs were flying back and forth: it would have been impossible to judge which one was the winner by the end of it. Although…

“I sink zis… zis may be it,” whispered Polnareff, watching the two of them through the window. “Do you not? Zey are…”

“They _may_ be,” agrees Avdol.

“At any rate,” nods Holy (well, as best a teapot _can_ nod), “It’s good for him to have someone his own age, isn’t it? Even if… even if this isn’t it… he’ll at least have had a friend.”

The three pieces of bric-a-brac watched as Kakyoin collapsed giggling onto Star’s shoulder; Star froze up awkwardly but managed to recover himself.

“It _may_ be,” sighed Holy, happily.


	11. True As It Can Be

“Oh, that was glorious!” laughed Kakyoin, as Star led him back inside. “Why, I haven’t had fun like that in… well, I don’t know how long!”

“Me neither,” agreed Star. “Come, let’s warm up by the fire, shall we?”

Kakyoin flopped down in the nearest armchair with a happy sigh. “You know, I’m usually the one making the fire in this situation… To think you have a whole household of… objects to do it for you!”

“Yes.” Star sat down and rummaged for his pipe. “You are a peasant, then, I take it?”

Kakyoin shrugged. “My guardian is an inventor, but yes, I suppose I am. Still, that’s not an interesting subject… I wish to know: which realm are you heir to? Since you have a castle, you must be high up.”

“It’s true,” nodded Star, frowning. “I am heir to the Principality of the Joestars.”

“Joestar…” Kakyoin blinked. “You’re not in any way related to my guardian, Joseph Joestar, are you?”

“There are one or two offshoots of the family name,” grunts Star. “So it’s not entirely impossible that we have some distant kinship. However, I am directly descended from the founder of our line, Jonathan; I very much doubt your guardian can claim such noble lineage.”

Kakyoin absorbed this for a moment. “You mean, you’re related to _those_ Joestars?”

“Yes.”

“But wait –" With a frown, Kakyoin held up one hand. “If you’re an heir to _the_ Joestars – the largest noble family in all of France, mind you – then why haven’t I heard of you?”

Star lit his pipe and took a few puffs. “Because of the curse. They’ve all forgotten me, and now they search for a new heir in my place. So far, the best they’ve done is a cousin of mine, Johnny, and all _he_ thinks about is horse-riding.”

“Then… If you don’t mind me asking, Lord Star… what year were you born?” asks Kakyoin.

Star looked away in annoyance. “About seven years before this blasted war started, pox take them all.”

Kakyoin frowned and did a little bit of arithmetic. “You’re about the same age as I am,” he said, at last. “Seventeen, or thereabouts. However long have you been in this form?”

A grunt. “Long enough. Years, perhaps. Time seems to pass somewhat differently in this accursed dungeon of a castle.”

“Can you not leave, Lord Star?” he asked. “The gate is not locked.”

“And then?” Star looked back at him, his face full of desperate pain. “What may I do then, pray tell, other than terrify villagers with this demonic form? What can I do but be hunted down as demon-spawn – as well I should be? I am under a curse, Kakyoin, because I deserve to be. This is my punishment for my sins: to be a pariah amongst men, a fallen Star unable to show my face to the world without fear of censure. This is my personal Purgatory.”

Kakyoin sighed. “I see,” he replied, at last. “Then… I shall stay with you.”

Star’s face scrunched up in bewilderment. “You… you will?” he murmurs, leaning forward. “But… Don’t you have family to go back to?”

“I…” Kakyoin turned away. “My family are all dead. The man who I came to rescue was only looking after me until I came into my majority. I have no true home to go back to, and… master Joestar can manage without me. He has his son, Josuke, and many friends to help him.”

With a frown, Star reached forward to take Kakyoin’s hand. “I’m sorry,” he muttered. “I didn’t realise.”

“It’s all right,” sighed Kakyoin. “Better to weep for the living than the dead, master Joestar says. I can at least hope that their souls are being cared for, Jesu willing.”

Star nodded. “And let even a demon-spawn such as I say Amen.”

A pause.

“Star…” Kakyoin leaned forward. “Will you tell me the truth of how you came to this form? I’ve heard the false rumours, but…”

Star drew in a long pull from his pipe, and let the smoke out slowly. “It was… when I was younger, only a few years after my father had gone to war. That much you know. I admit that I was not the best ruler. I was young and inexperienced, had no idea when to punish and when to have mercy. I was… naïve, perhaps. I believed that all men, at their core, were good, and I ruled accordingly under the guidance of my mother.”

“You… weren’t a delinquent?” tried Kakyoin, hesitantly.

“I…” Star frowned. “I did not hurt innocent people. With those who are already vulnerable, coarse behaviour is unforgivable; with those who deserve it, causing trouble is the least I can do to show them the error of their ways.” He looked away. “But I tried so hard to be a good lord, a man of the people. I was lenient with taxes, I fed the poor, I visited the sick… And then that god damned party.”

“The party?” asked Kakyoin. “So that much is true?”

“It was Michaelmas, or the New Year, or thereabouts,” explained Star quietly. “My mother suggested I invite all the local lords and barons in the dukedom to celebrate, for the sake of unity and communication. So, as she suggested, I invited as many as would receive the summons. All of them… including an evil man named Dio.”

“Dio?” Kakyoin gasped. “I know that man! He –” He blushed, remembering searching hands and an uncomfortable tingling sensation. “Well, he’s been trying to get me to join his little tax-collecting gang for years, anyway. But they are too cruel – they beat and rob people of what little they have, and sometimes kill those who do not have enough.”

“Exactly,” agrees Star. He took another drag of smoke. “Not only that, but he plotted to depose me and take over the dukedom himself – after all, as far as he was concerned, I would be too weak to rule. Too compliant. So he had been spreading rumours about me – that I was committing the crimes which he himself had perpetrated, that I was stealing and murdering. When I would punish a farmer for selling crops at an extortionate rate, he would claim that I was doing it for fun. When I chased a group of vagabonds and thieves out of town, he claimed I was starving beggars. And so on and so forth.”

“How awful!” replied Kakyoin. “And then?”

“Well, I invited Dio, and Dio invited all of his little followers, and those hangers-on invited other disreputables who began to steal and wreck everything in the castle. Of course I chased them off once I realised their villainy, but… Dio had also brought a witch, the foul old hag Enya, in order to put a curse on me and my household. Her magic transformed us all into even more horrible beasts and demons, witless and dumb for the rest of our miserable lives. And then…”

“What?” asked Kakyoin quietly.

“Luckily,” Star sighed, “the enchantress Lisa-Lisa passed by not too long afterwards. She managed to alleviate the curse – to make our forms more palatable to the human eye, and to grant us our minds back. And she took this castle out of all living memory, so that Dio would not return to harass the inhabitants. We have been allowed a small amount of grace, but the end comes to us all. Soon, unless the curse is broken, my household will be nothing more than inanimate objects, and I… I will die.”

“My god…” Kakyoin bowed his head. “I never realised. I’m sorry.”

“Such is my lot,” replies Star, and sucks on his pipe as if to end the conversation.

“How might the curse be broken?” asked Kakyoin, quietly.

Star gave him a piercing look. “That I may not tell you. Otherwise… the magic reverts.”

“Then we must pray to God,” said Kakyoin.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy pride month. enjoy the gay. find fulfilment. punch a cop.

“Avdol,” murmured Star, when he and the clock were alone. “You and Polnareff are happy together still, are you not?”

Avdol blinked. “Well, yes, sir, more or less, as happy as we can be under the curse. I long for the day when I can put my arms around him… However, what has brought this on? You don’t usually pry into our personal lives…”

Star rolled his eyes, and Avdol’s expression took on a look of sudden, delighted realisation. “Wait… I know what this is. This is about Kakyoin, isn’t it?”

Star folded his arms and turned his face away.

“It _is_ about Kakyoin,” crowed Avdol gleefully. “I knew it, I just knew –”

“Shut. Up.”

Avdol grinned widely; one look from Star and he stopped, clearing his throat and trying to put on a serious expression. “Well, that’s wonderful,” he smiled. “After all this time on your own, it’s good to see that you’re not unwilling to interact with humans. And master Kakyoin is a very nice young man.”

“Yes, but Avdol,” groaned Star, “what do I say? What do I _do_?”

“Hmm.” Avdol stroked the 6 on his chin thoughtfully. “You mean, how to properly communicate your feelings? That is a problem… there’s the usual, of course…”

“The usual?”

“Well, you know.” Avdol shrugged. “Flowers, chocolates, promises you don’t intend to keep…”

“Is that how you –” began Star, and Avdol frowned.

“Now that you mention it, not really.” Avdol’s second hand ticked back and forth: a sure sign that he was stuck on some difficult problem. “Perhaps just a simple gift will suffice.”

“A gift…” For a moment, Star looked pensive; then his face cleared a little. “Ah, of course.”

“Of – of course?” asked Avdol, hesitantly.

Star nodded. “Yes,” he murmured, almost to himself. “That should just about do it.”

“Kakyoin,” began Star, as soon as Kakyoin entered the dining room for breakfast the next morning.

“Good morning, Star,” yawned Kakyoin. “Sleep well?”

Star frowned. “Yes, yes, fine, but I wanted to ask – can you read?”

Kakyoin blinked and stared at his porridge. “Er… well, yes. Only French, though, I don’t understand Latin or Greek…”

“That’s fine.” Star gestured towards Kakyoin’s bowl. “When you’re finished with that, I have something to give you.”

Kakyoin raised his eyebrows, but ate quickly, and was soon following Star deeper into the castle, into an area that he couldn’t remember travelling through during Avdol and Polnareff’s tour on the first night.

At last, Star stopped in front of a small, fairly plain wooden door and nodded. “This… this is what I wanted to show you,” he murmured.

“A door?”

Star’s expression didn’t change; instead, he stepped forward and opened the door. With a nod, he stepped back and gestured for Kakyoin to step through. Kakyoin, rather hesitantly, obeyed, ducking his head under the low lintel before stepping out into –

“God in Heaven,” breathed Kakyoin.

There were more books in that one room than he had thought existed in the entire universe – more ink than could possibly be manufactured – more words than could ever be spoken in a lifetime.

At home, Kakyoin had more or less memorised the six books that comprised his home village’s library; he had, at the time, thought that the range was rather impressive for such a small town. And now…. He looked around, from side to side, at the room that was most certainly bigger than Joseph’s house – several times over – and absolutely stuffed to bursting with books of every shape, size, and colour. He stared some more, just to be sure that this wasn’t some sort of fever dream; then, for the lack of anything else to say, murmured, “ _Wow_.”

Star ducked into the room, moving to stand beside Kakyoin and stare at the massive shelves. “Do you… like it?”

Kakyoin swallowed. He wanted to cry, or maybe burst into song, or perhaps kiss Star full on the lips like –

“Wow,” he said again. “Wow. I… I love it, Star. It’s amazing. You’re really – you’re really giving this all to me?”

“I…” It could have been Kakyoin’s imagination, but Star seemed to turn a slightly deeper shade of purple, as if blushing. “I thought we might read together, if that were agreeable to you.”

Kakyoin stared at him, and eventually came to his senses enough to close his mouth. “I… I’d like that very much,” he admits. “Th… thank you, Star.”

Star looked away. “Well, I thought I’d try and make things up to you, anyway. For… being a knave to you before.”

“You don’t have to,” mumbled Kakyoin, more out of obligation than any real conviction in what he was saying. It really was a truly magnificent library, and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t itching to run to the nearest shelf and get acquainted with the books.

Star raised his eyebrows. “Well, I wanted to.” He gestured around them, at the well-stocked bookshelves. “After all… what good is all this if I don’t have anyone to share it with?”

They spent the rest of the day in the library. At first, Kakyoin simply did not know which way to turn, which shelf to try first; then Star began to shyly pick out a few of his favourites – a book on the manufacture of sailing ships, one about the rotations of the planets, even a bestiary (“Look you, Kakyoin, how they have drawn these marvellous sea creatures”) – as well as directing Kakyoin to a few he might like.

Kakyoin was officially in Heaven. He had found a wonderful pair of plays about a barber and a marriage; the sheer joy of reading something so new and exciting completely eclipsed any other thought he had in his mind.

“How is it?” murmured Star, at one point.

“Oh, wonderful,” breathed Kakyoin. “You know, I may never leave this library again.”

Star got up and came to sit by him. “Will you… read me some?”

“I…” Kakyoin gulped. “All right.” He cleared his throat. “‘Birth! Fortune! Don’t talk of things that come by chance, and if you assure me that your intentions are honourable…’”

Star listened politely to the merry japes played out upon the page; it didn’t seem to matter to him that Kakyoin wasn’t good at giving the characters distinct voices, or putting expression into the words. He simply listened. Kakyoin had never had so much attention put on him in his life.

Kakyoin reached forward to turn the page, just at the same time that Star did the same; their fingers brushed briefly, and Kakyoin flinched. Slowly, he looked up at where Star was staring at him with his usual impassive face, his hand frozen halfway to the corner of the page. Kakyoin swallowed and tried desperately not to stare longingly at Star’s rather beautiful lips. No. It wasn’t allowed. It was _bad_. Kakyoin wasn’t sure how it was bad, exactly, but it was definitely Not Good. People got killed for that sort of thing, didn’t they?

He realized, rather belatedly, that he was still gazing into Star’s clear blue-green eyes and looked away with a blush. No, that was bad. It was all very well Dio trying to tempt him like this, but to feel that way about someone he actually liked, someone he actually enjoyed spending time with… No, that wasn’t good at all. He cleared his throat.

“Er… anyway, where was I…”

Star’s fingers twitched, and Kakyoin watched his purple hand turn the page.

It wasn’t like Star could ever feel the same way about him. And even if he did, it wasn’t like they could do anything about it. And even if they could –

Kakyoin felt himself blushing even harder. “Actually, excuse me. I’m not… I’m not feeling very well all of a sudden.”

And besides, he told himself firmly, it would definitely be wrong to feel this way about his kidnapper, even if they hadn’t both been men.

(This time, reciting a Hail Mary didn’t help at all; all Kakyoin could think about were those bright blue-green eyes staring relentless into his soul. Surely it wouldn’t be _so_ bad if he touched there? It wasn’t like he was actually –)

He couldn’t show his face at dinner that evening. Well, at least Star didn’t send to enquire after him. He received, instead, a plate of hot broth and a note wishing him a speedy recovery: if he hadn’t felt so phenomenally guilty, he might even have enjoyed it.


	13. Ever a Surprise

It was dark. It was cold. Joseph, tied to the tree, was beginning to think he was in trouble – he’d been sure the stupid blond one with the hat would take pity on him and set him free, yet it seemed that was not to be. Dio and his henchmen had disappeared into the forest hours ago, and Joseph had long ago stopped being able to hear their voices. Instead…

A wolf howled in the distance. He shuddered.

“Hello?” he tried, just in case. “Can anybody hear me? I need a little help here!”

“What’s the matter?”

Joseph jumped: the low voice had come from just behind his ear. He looked around. The woman who spoke stood just next to the tree, where she definitely wasn’t just a moment before. She was tall, for a woman, wearing a full-face black veil over her long black hair.

“Er…” He cleared his throat. “If you could just untie me…”

“Of course,” murmured the woman, and a moment later Joseph felt rummaging behind the tree, and a slithering feeling indicated the removal of the heavy ropes. He massaged his wrists and sighed.

“Thank you, good woman, truly, I don’t know how to thank you, Madame…?”

“Lisa-Lisa,” came the whisper through the trees. Joseph looked around, but could not spy the slightest trace of the mysterious woman: she was gone.

Oh well. Joseph shrugged and shook his head. He’d been out here too long; the safest way, away from the wolves, was probably in the direction of the village…

He set off, humming as he went.

“So, master Kakyoin,” smiled Polnareff. “Are we ready for anozzer exciting day in ze castle?”

Kakyoin looked out of the windowsill and sighed. “I… I suppose…”

“The library is still open, you know,” suggested Avdol, wheedling.

“…maybe later,” said Kakyoin.

Avdol clears his throat. “The master would also like to invite you to the Great Ballroom this evening, at eight o’clock.”

“Mhm,” Kakyoin nodded, vaguely. Then: “Have either of you ever been in love?”

Avdol and Polnareff grinned at each other.

“Why, yes, monsieur,” replied Polnareff, barely containing his glee. “I think it is fair to say zat we ‘ave both… ‘ow you say… been ‘it wiz Cupid’s arrow.”

“Really?” Kakyoin turned towards them. “Tell me about these lovers.”

“Most certainly. The one that I love,” smiled Avdol, making eye contact with Polnareff, “is as fair as the day is long, with hair the colour of fresh milk.”

“Is zat so?” smirked Polnareff playfully. “Well, ze one zat I love ‘as ze most beautiful eyes – golden brown like ‘oney – wiz skin as soft and warm as a down coverlet.”

“They both sound like beautiful women,” said Kakyoin politely. “I’m sure I’d love to meet them someday.”

Avdol and Polnareff shared a rather sceptical glance.

“Should we tell him?” murmured Avdol quietly.

“I would ‘ave thought ‘e could figure it out by now, _alors_ ,” replied Polnareff. “Per’aps it is best to… break it to ‘im gently, _non_?”

“Indeed.” Avdol cleared his throat and turned to Kakyoin. “You have already met the people of whom we speak. In fact –”

“Oh, I get it!” Kakyoin beamed at them. “These lovely ladies must work in the castle! Oh, let me guess which ones –”

Avdol rubbed the 12 on his face in disbelief – although Kakyoin couldn’t imagine why. “It’s, uh, true that these individuals work in the castle,” he admitted. “But – oh, Polnareff, for goodness sake, how do I put this?”

Polnareff swallowed. “Ah… well, monsieur Kakyoin, when someone loves another person very much, it does not matter so much wezzer zey are a man or a woman, _non_?”

For a moment, Kakyoin thought about this. “Um… you like men? _That_ way?”

“Oui. And –”

“Hold on a moment.” Kakyoin held out his hand. “Isn’t that… a sin? Won’t you go to Hell?”

“Actually,” Avdol interrupted, “my god does not teach that particular doctrine.”

“You too, Avdol?” gasped Kakyoin. “This is… I thought I was the only one.”

“Oh, non, Kakyoin, Kakyoin…” Polnareff levered himself up to be on a level with Kakyoin. “ _Mon petit ami, non_!” He looked into Kakyoin’s eyes earnestly. “You are not ze only one, monsieur,” he said, in the lowest, most serious voice that Kakyoin had ever heard him use. “It is… per’aps not common, as such, but zere are many more zan you would sink. You are never alone, _mon ami_.”

“Wha…” Kakyoin stared at the two of them in amazement. “I had no idea. So… it’s possible for me to –”

“To love anyone zat takes your fancy, monsieur,” winked Polnareff slyly. “Even… ze master, if you should find ‘im agreeable.”

“Um…” Kakyoin blushed and turned away. “That’s… good…” He swallowed. “Um. I mean. Not that he’d return the sentiment if I were to feel that way, I’m sure.”

Avdol hopped a little closer and cleared his throat once more. “Well, I know for a fact that the master is not interested in women,” he hinted. “He could never stand to be addressed by even the most beautiful of young ladies. But…”

He left the sentence hanging in the air over Kakyoin’s head for a moment, and then: “Oh, look at the time. On my face. We have so much to be getting on with, isn’t that right, Polnareff?”

“Oh, oui, oui,” agreed Polnareff sagely. “Very busy. But perhaps you will be down later?”

“Er…” Kakyoin blinked vaguely. “Right.”

They closed the door behind them.

Joseph, meanwhile, was once again facing his own problems.

“This man,” he growled, pointing straight at Dio, “left me tied to a tree in the forest to die!”

The townsfolk gasped.

“I did?” asked Dio, raising his eyebrow. “This is news to me, old man. And what, _prey_ , would be my reason for such an action?”

Joseph scowled. “How should I know? One minute I’m leading you to help save my ward, Kakyoin Noriaki, the next you’re telling me I’m mad and tying me to a tree!”

“What an imagination the old man has,” comments Dio dryly. “As Hol Horse can attest, I have been hunting all day. I would certainly never tie Monsieur Joestar up for any reason, let alone with such unclear motivations. Isn’t that right, Hol?”

Hol Horse gave Joseph an apologetic look, and: “I gotta side with Dio here. _He_ never tied no one up.”

“Well, of course he didn’t personally tie me up,” conceded Joseph impatiently. “He got his faithful Horse to do it for him. But you know what I mean!”

The townsfolk muttered amongst themselves; apparently, they very definitely did _not_ know what Joseph was talking about.

“Come, now, Monsieur,” said Father Pucci, from one corner of the tavern. “This story seems a little inconsistent. Just why would those two even be in the forest with you in the first place?”

“Well –” Joseph stopped and folded his arms. “You were there too, Pucci, don’t act like you don’t know. But for the benefit of the town, I’ll tell you anyway: I asked Dio to help me find my ward, Kakyoin, after he was imprisoned by a demon that lives out there in the forest somewhere.”

The tavern went silent; or, at least, more silent. Only Dio was not: from where he sat, he began to shake, then chuckle, and then broke out into a full cackling laugh.

“A – a demon! My god, Joestar, you really are up the spout, aren’t you?” He chuckled. “What kind of demon – did it have horns? A tail? Go on!”

“Call up Doctor Satoru,” Pucci whispered to his neighbour; immediately the lackey went out to find the Head Doctor of the local asylum.

Joseph growled. “I warn you, sir! You trivialize a young man kept captive? Heartless wretch! Besides –” he waved a finger in the air – “the demon had no horns nor tail, only purple skin!”

“Purple skin? He’s mad!” proclaimed Dio. “Can you believe this? He’s seeing things!”

Just then, Doctor Satoru entered, looking grim; Dio caught sight of him and waved him over.

“Ah, Doctor! Just in time!” Dio pointed at Joseph. “This man believes his ward has been kidnapped by a purple demon of some kind!”

“A big one!” adds Joseph. “With floating hair!”

Doctor Satoru shook his head. “Pity… Take him away, boys.”

“I’m not –” started Joseph, but it was too late. Large men – Vanilla, Hol Horse, D’Arby – were already grabbing onto him and hauling him out of the tavern into the asylum’s wagon. “Oh my goooooodd!!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kakyoin. Buddy. They're gay. You're gay. EVERYONE IS GAY KAKYOIN.
> 
> (Although, not being interested in women =/= being interested in men. Aroace gang might have something to say about that.)


	14. Tune As Old As Song

At last, Kakyoin decided that whatever happened, he couldn’t go around moping in his room forever. If Star wanted to see him in the ballroom at eight o’clock, then by his troth Kakyoin would endeavour to be there. The only problem was…

“Am I supposed to wear something special, monsieur Polnareff?” he asked, hesitantly. “Only, I don’t exactly have any other clothes…”

“Zat is no problem!” Polnareff clapped his candles together. “Aya, come out! It is time to get zis young man something suitable to wear, non?”

The wardrobe in the corner shook herself awake, and said: “Oh, Polnareff… ah yes! One moment please…”

Her wardrobe doors flung themselves open; in an instant Kakyoin was surrounded by spinning silks, elegant patterns, and delicate dyes the like of which he’d only dreamed of; they spun and swirled around him in the air as Yukako murmured almost to herself.

“Let’s see… this one would match your eyes, I think, but… hmm, it doesn’t go well with your hair… ah! I know! A little bit of gold, too…”

Material and decoration swooped in onto Kakyoin. In the blink of an eye, soft fabric wrapped around his body; he could feel it winding and settling around his arms and legs, apparently stitching itself together of its own accord.

“Oh!” came the voice of Aya. “You have pierced ears, too! Oh, this is a treat – I have just the earrings for you!”

Kakyoin felt his old plain stud earrings slide out, and a new set slide in, just ever-so-gently. There was a breath, and then:

“I think that’s just about everything,” murmured the wardrobe. “You can open your eyes now, monsieur.”

Kakyoin opened his eyes, and stared at the stranger in the mirror.

He was wearing an elegant emerald green suit with delicate yet intricate embroidery, with gold brocade decorating his collar and shoulders. His hair, somehow, had been combed and set to rights so that a soft red curl of hair hung over his face; the rest was brushed back more neatly than Kakyoin had ever bothered with in his life. And the earrings…

“How did you know I liked cherries?” he asked.

“Oh,” replied Aya, “I just matched them with your hair, that’s all. You don’t mind?”

“I…” Kakyoin blinked, touched his cheek. At last, when he was absolutely sure he wasn’t dreaming: “This is the best I’ve ever looked in all my life.”

Aya looked smug, insofar as that was possible for a wardrobe. “That’s my specialty.”

And so, not too long later, Kakyoin finally made appearance at the top of the stairs to the Great Ballroom, trying to make himself look more confident than he actually was, and caught sight of –

Star. Even when they first met, Star had worn expensive clothes: now, though… He stood there on the other side of the grand staircase in a black suit that seemed even more magnificent for not having too much extravagant decoration. He still retained the gold chain on his collar; other than that, he would have looked almost human, if it were not for his purple-toned skin and that ever gravity-defying hair.

Well, there was no going back now. Kakyoin gulped and made his way down the staircase to meet Star at the bottom. The two of them stood there for a few moments, wondering which one would make the first move, be the first to speak.

And then the music started.

It was quiet, delicate, beautiful; Star shook himself out of his trance and offered a hand out to Kakyoin. “Will you, um… will you dance with me?”

Kakyoin’s mouth went dry. He could picture it now, staring up into those magnificent blue-green eyes, holding tightly to Star’s warm hand, with the pleasant murmur of music mingling with the gentle muttering of their relaxed conversation; could almost feel the floor flying by under his feet and the steady presence of Star’s large, muscled body. Oh, _no_. That was too much. He couldn’t possibly –

“Erm…” he managed, his voice a little strangled, “I don’t really know how to dance. Sorry. Um.”

“I can teach you,” insisted Star quietly. “I’d go easy on you.”

Kakyoin swallowed and rubbed the back of his head nervously, barely able to respond properly to such a suggestion: in theory, it was common for dancing-masters to be of the same sex as their pupils, but that didn’t mean it didn’t make him feel all kinds of conflicting emotions. Not to mention that the way Star had said that sounded… awfully suggestive.

“Ah… um…” This was ridiculous. “Wh-which one of us would lead, though?”

Star shrugs. “Depends. Generally, it would be the taller person, but…” he focused his eyes on Kakyoin again. “It doesn’t have to be.”

Kakyoin had to keep himself from choking with embarrassment at the thought of trying to lead Star – Star, of all people – in a dance; at the thought of putting a hand around his waist and… He pressed a slightly sweaty hand against his cheek and gulped again, absolutely sure that he was as red as a ripe apple, or maybe one of those ‘tomato’ things.

“You… you don’t have to,” added Star, quietly.

Kakyoin looked down at Star’s outstretched hand and back up again, at those perfect eyes looking him up and down for his decision. Slowly, with palms sweaty and shaking, Kakyoin reached out and took Star’s hand.

“Let me show you,” murmured Star, directing Kakyoin’s hands to their positions. “Now… take a step…”

Kakyoin was a quick learner. Soon enough, he was leaning into the rhythm, losing himself in the music and the movement and the soft warmth of Star above and around him, his nervousness and confusion forgotten; his feet began to move of their own accord as he came more in tune with Star’s dancing. The floor flew past beneath their feet –

Kakyoin thought very much that he might like to do this every day for the rest of his life. He wanted to read, and talk to Star, and dance the night away. He wanted to feel Star’s hands in his, to look into Star’s eyes and see – something, anyway. He wanted to see this, every day, for as long as he possibly could.

“That was _glorious_ ,” he tells Star, when at last the two of them take a rest on the balcony.

“It was,” replies Star. “I’m impressed with how fast you learned. You dance… you dance really well, Kakyoin.”

He blushed. “You think so?”

Star nodded and took out his pipe. “Better ‘n when _I_ first started.”

“Oh, well…” Kakyoin smiled and leaned in towards Star. “Thank you, Star. You know… I’m really starting to like it here.”

“Really?” Star looked at him intently. “Do you really mean it?”

Kakyoin nodded vigorously. “To be honest, I’m starting to wonder why you’d ever even bother lifting this curse. Granted, you have the form of the demon, but… well, don’t you have everything you could ever want anyway?”

“I just…” Star lit his pipe and glanced towards the flowered teapot in the corner of the Ballroom. “I don’t want my mother to be a piece of pottery forever.”

Kakyoin blinked. Then: “ _That’s_ your mother? You’re using her as a teapot!”

Star shrugged and took a drag. “She _is_ a teapot. She wants to be useful, so I let her.”

“You _let_ her?” Kakyoin pulled back. “God’s truth, Star, do you have any idea how arrogant you sound? If my own mother, god rest her soul, were in that position, I certainly would not…”

“Would not what?” hissed Star angrily. “Would not grant her the one pleasure of her miserable life? Would not try your damnedest to keep going as normal, so as not to upset her? Would not keep her occupied so that for a little while she forgets that her only son –”

Star broke off and bit his lip. “I have doomed us all,” he muttered at last. “If the curse is not broken, then nothing more can be done. We will all die, and it will be my fault, do you understand, Kakyoin? She will die because of me. Because of my foolishness, which cannot be remedied. The least I can do is let her enjoy –” he laughed angrily – “enjoy being a teapot for a while.”

Kakyoin stared at him for a while. “I… I’m sorry, Star,” he said, quietly. “Please, let me help you. Is there no way the curse can be broken, no –”

Star scowled bitterly. “I wish that there were, Jesu knows I have tried everything –"

“I’m so sorry,” repeated Kakyoin quietly. “I’m so sorry.”

For a few moments, the two of them sat there in gloomy silence; Star smoked sullenly. At last, Star came to himself again. “Well, it cannot be changed. There is no use mourning our fate. But… I had something to give you, Kakyoin.”

“Another gift?” Despite himself, Kakyoin leaned closer. “What is it?”

Star rummaged in his pocket and produced a small ornate hand-held mirror.

“It shows you anyone you wish to see,” he murmured, holding it out to Kakyoin. “Politicians, artists and adventurers, lords and ladies… Anyone. Here, try it.”

Gingerly, Kakyoin took the mirror. “I… thank you, Star. I know so little of such things… Let me only see that Joseph, my guardian, is well, and I shall be happy.”

The mirror rippled. Inside –

_Joseph struggled fruitlessly against the thugs, shouting for help, for anyone to tell these people that he was not mad; the doors of the madhouse wagon were flung open, and the thugs threw Joseph inside bodily, not caring for his health. Joseph cried out and –_

Kakyoin gasped. “Is – is this real? Is this happening now? Oh, but he has no one to –”

“Go,” said Star, quietly. “Go and help him.”

“Thank you, thank you –” Kakyoin sprang up and grasped Star’s hand in his. “I promise, I’ll come back and never leave this place again as soon as I’m finished!”

“Go,” repeated Star. “Do what you must.”

Without another word, Kakyoin dashed out of the room, taking the mirror with him; a few moments later, Star watched as Kakyoin rode out of the castle gates towards his little village.

“Master…” breathed Avdol, from the open doorway.

“You really let ‘im go?” asked Pol.

Star looked round, rather annoyed. “So you lot _have_ been spying. Well you can stop it. Yes, I let him go. Would you have preferred me to keep him trapped here to watch his guardian suffer? Would you rather he grow to resent me? No, I had to let him go. For his own sake.”

“Do you sink ‘e will come back?” murmured Pol.

Star sighed. “I suppose… that’s up to him.”


	15. Bittersweet

Kakyoin thundered down the path on Hermit Purple; he wasn’t sure how long he’d been riding for, only that he’d started to be able to see the lights of the town on the horizon not too long ago, and now was just arriving at the gates. He could already hear a commotion from the tavern; as he brought Hermit to a clattering halt outside the tavern, he could see why. Joseph was locked inside a wagon emblazoned with the name of the local insane asylum, banging on the bars and yelling at Dio and his posse. As soon as he saw Kakyoin, he lit up.

“Kakyoin! You escaped! Thanks be to God! Now –” he pointed at Dio and the others – “tell them I’m not mad! Tell them you were kidnapped by that – that demon!”

Kakyoin blinked at him, then looked at Dio and the townsfolk gathered around.

“He is not a demon, Joseph,” he said, at last. “His name is Star, and he is my friend.”

“Friend?” Dio stared at Kakyoin. “You mean this mysterious purple demon –”

“Is real, yes. You should know, Dio, since you were the one to reduce him to that state.” Kakyoin brought out the mirror. “In fact, I can prove he exists. Mirror, show me the beast.”

The mirror rippled. The townsfolk stared: the image that appeared was of a menacing purple figure with floating black hair, staring angrily at them as if to murder them. Some of them huddled closer to each other.

“So this is what you’ve been doing for the last couple of days,” grunted Dio. “Cavorting with vile and unclean creatures. I should have known it of you, Kakyoin. You, who I once thought would be my successor… And this is how you repay me?”

“What?” Kakyoin stared. “But… this proves Joseph’s not mad! Can’t you leave us both alone now? What more could you want from me?”

Dio’s face turned sour; he stalked up and leaned closer, into Kakyoin’s personal space. “You’re not worth it, Kakyoin,” he spat. “You were never worth the effort in the end.”

“Dio –”

Dio leaned away from him to speak to the crowd. “This – boy –” he spat, gesturing towards Kakyoin, his words full of venom, “is a Sodomite, a filthy invert who delights in bestiality with that – that Thing! They both deserve to burn in Hell!”

“Shame, Kakyoin, shame!” Pucci yelled, from one corner.

“You’re disgusting!” called Vanilla, from another.

“Tsk, tsk.” Dio shrugged at his captive audience helplessly. “Now, what kind of benevolent Marquis would I be if I left this poor sinner to wallow in iniquity, hmm? We must give him a chance to change his ways. I say we bring him back home and, under probation, allow him to take a small, menial job – say, collecting my taxes for me. If he succeeds in that, and if he forswears his evil customs, then I must beg of you, the forgiving townsfolk, to welcome him back into your arms. But if he does not…”

“Hang him!”

“Stake him!”

“Burn him as a witch!”

“Exactly.” Dio directed his attention back to Kakyoin, holding his arms out open, welcoming. “What do you say, Kakyoin? Be accepted home, on condition, or – the Beast?”

“I am not what you say I am, Dio,” Kakyoin retorted. “I am innocent of these disgusting accusations. In fact – you are selfish, rude, boorish, and the most corrupt Marquis that has ever ruled this march. Therefore, I cannot accept your offer.”

“A shame, Kakyoin.” Dio shook his head sadly. “Truly a shame, in such a bright young lad as yourself…” He snatched the mirror out of Kakyoin’s hand and turned to the crowd once more, shaking his fist. “We must destroy this evil once and for all! Kill the beast!”

“Dio –" repeated Kakyoin, “please, don’t do this.”

Dio whipped round to face Kakyoin again and scowled. “You deserve this, Kakyoin.”

With that, he delivered a swift, brutal punch to Kakyoin’s gut.

It was the _tramp_ , _tramp_ of marching feet, and the steady rumble of an angry crowd, and the flickering firelights from outside, that first alerted the inhabitants of the castle to the oncoming rabble, led by Dio himself. Avdol gulped.

“M-master?” he tried. “We should do something about this, no?”

Jotaro sighed, staring morosely out at nothing; Polnareff patted Avdol on what would have been the shoulder.

“Never mind ze master, mon amour,” he murmured. “We must do something – of zat I have no doubt. Zis may call for a combined effort…”

And so by the time the villagers arrived at the gates, all the knick-knacks, furniture pieces, and antiquities that for years had lain forlorn and useless in the castle had sprang to life: some took up battle stations on the battlements, some inside the castle, and some on the inside of the castle’s great door. Madame Holy and her teacup army found a position up high, filled with hot tea and courage; Avdol directed various mops and brooms to sweep the floor with the opposition; and as for Polnareff, Avdol had come up with a _very_ ingenious use for his flames that was sure to light up a room.

Aya the wardrobe braced herself against the door. Beside her was Polpo the nobleman-turned-bed, Giorno the pianoforte player who now _really_ understood his instrument, even a clanky suit of armour which had once gone by the name Anasui.

The tramping feet grew closer, and stopped.

There was a booming knock on the door.

“Open up!” called a voice from outside. “In the name of the Marquis! In the name of all Christendom, release the demon that you harbour within your gates!”

“Never!” called back Avdol. “We’d die to protect our master!”

The voice snarled. “Then may you burn for eternity in Hell. Charge!”

_Boom_.

_Boom._

The doors shook. Aya and her companions shook with the effort of holding back the doors, but…

_Boom._ One more hit shook the castle’s walls, and –

_Crash._

In flooded the villagers, past the stunned door guards, and almost immediately came up against the floor-brushing army beneath their feet, slickening and moistening the smooth polished floors till the tiles felt like a frozen lake beneath their unsteady feet, tripping the villagers up and tangling themselves up in feet and legs. Before any of them recovered, Polnareff set light to a bucket of flammable oil and tipped it over the floor; not enough to seriously burn any one, but enough to scare the motivation from them.

A few managed to get onto the staircase: Dio, for one, and a few of his cronies. There they met a new enemy: tea.

“All right, my dears!” yelled Holy, from her place on a high ledge. “Spill the tea!”

“Finally,” grunted Abbacchio. “I’ve been wanting to do this for a decade…”

And with that, a fountain of hot tea spilled down over the faces of several of Dio’s henchmen – Vanilla, both D’arbys, and an eager youngster known as Boingo. Hol Horse, meanwhile, had found himself overshadowed by what looked like a giant wardrobe.

“Oh, gosh darn it,” he groaned, as piles of clothes and fabrics toppled over on top of him.

Dio ignored his henchmen getting royally thrashed behind him; he only had mind for one thing. The beast.

“Where do you think it is, Pucci?” hr growled, stalking up the staircase that, unbeknownst to him, Kakyoin had stepped out onto in his suit only a few hours ago.

“I’m sure I don’t know, my lord Marquis,” replied Pucci calmly. “Perhaps an exorcism will lure it from its hiding place…”


	16. Song as Old as Rhyme

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be warned, this chapter gets pretty gory.

“Well, Kakyoin,” said Joseph, when they were both locked up in the insane asylum’s special wagon, “we’re in a fix this time, and no mistake.”

Kakyoin nodded glumly and rubbed his brand-new bruise.

“That’s a nice jacket you’ve got on, though,” added Joseph. “Looks good on you.”

Kakyoin looked down at himself – indeed, he was still wearing his fancy suit. It wasn’t damaged when Dio hit him, but he could feel a bruise beginning to blossom beneath his skin. “I… Star really isn’t _that_ bad, you know.”

Joseph looked round. “Star?”

“The… the so-called demon.” Kakyoin sighed. “He let me go because I couldn’t bear to see you trapped like this… and now look what I’ve done. I’ve doomed him. He’ll never forgive me now…”

“Now, now, kid, not everyone’s like Dio.” Joseph gave him a piercing look. “Some with a beautiful face have disgusting hearts, and some that are unbearable to look at disguise a heart of pure gold.”

“You think so?”

“I know so, boy,” nodded Joseph. “Ah, I remember when I was young… there was this boy…”

Kakyoin stared at him. “You too, Master Joestar?”

“Oh, I settled down after that, of course, but…” Joseph sighs. “Perhaps if he had lived… Still, no use crying over spilt milk. What say we get ourselves out of this wagon and get back to this Star of yours, hmm? All I need is something long and sharp.”

“Long and sharp…” Kakyoin looked up. “Oh! My new earrings! It’ll be a shame to ruin them, but… I’m sure I can get them fixed later.”

“That’s the spirit!” Joseph held out his hand for an earring; a moment later, he was fiddling with the lock of the wagon. “We’d better hurry, though. Monsieur Dio’s already got a good head start…”

And before he knew it, Kakyoin was back on Hermit’s back with Joseph’s blessing, galloping as fast as the poor cart-horse’s hooves could take him. Perhaps something or other was giving speed to his footsteps, for it did not take very long for him to round the corner to see the open gates of the castle in front of him, and the frightened but mostly uninjured villagers fleeing in terror.

And there, on the balcony, were Star and Dio; behind them, Pucci the priest was reading something in Latin.

Star looked down, saw Kakyoin, and lit up. “You came back!”

“I promised I would, didn’t I?” Kakyoin swung himself off the horse. “Dio, don’t you dare hurt a hair on Star’s head!”

“Why not?” drawled Dio. “This is what I came for – to kill the beast. As soon as we’ve finished exorcising him, that is.”

“He gets plenty of exercise without your help!” Kakyoin sprinted up the castle steps through the streams of fleeing villagers, manages to avoid the slippery floor and the fire, waves at Aya and Polnareff distractedly as he goes past, and dashes at top speed up towards the West Wing towards Star. If he could only get there in time –

“ _Aeternus Pater, aeternus Filius, aeternus et Spiritus Sanctus. Et tamen non tres aeterni, sed unus aeternus. Sicut non tres increati, nec tres immensi, sed unus increatus, et unus immensus…_ ”

“Stop right there!” Kakyoin knocked the book out of Pucci’s hand. “Star doesn’t need to be exorcized – it doesn’t even work on him! He’s under a curse! Can’t you break that instead?”

Dio raised his eyebrow at Kakyoin. “Very well, then. Have it your way.” He took out a set of knives. “I’ll even give it a five-second head start, just to be sporting. Five –”

“Star, _run_!”

Star leapt up, onto the roof of the castle; his shoes scrabbled at the roof tile as he vaulted away.

“Four… three… two… Pucci, take care of Kakyoin here, would you?” asked Dio, casually. “Get it over with quickly. One.”

And with that, he scrambled up onto the roof in hot pursuit.

Pucci turned to Kakyoin with an icy smile. “You know what I really love about my position as village priest, Kakyoin?”

Kakyoin stared. “What?”

“I get to send sinners like you straight to hell.” With that, Pucci’s hand flew out from his priestly robe; Kakyoin only just caught sight of the gleaming knife in time. He dodged, rolled across the messy floor of Star’s room. He doesn’t even have a weapon with him…

Kakyoin gulped. Pucci was already coming for him again, knife held in one clearly expert hand. Kakyoin’s hands searched through the debris on the floor, and –

His hand came up on a particularly sharp, stake-like piece of wood that must have once come from a splinter of Star’s bed, or some such; as Pucci came closer, he fumbled the stake into a more secure grip behind his back. He tried to look as helpless and incompetent as he could.

“Will you submit, Kakyoin?” murmured Pucci, creeping closer. “Will you submit to save your eternal soul?”

He stepped within Kakyoin’s range; Kakyoin lashed out with the stake.

“I will not,” he growled, as the point of the stake pierced Pucci’s back. Pucci made a strangled little choking sound; after a few seconds, he collapsed to the floor.

Kakyoin let go of the stake, now dripping blood, and without even stopping to think dashed out to the balcony to try and catch sight of how Star was doing. He could see the two of them on the rooftop: Star held Dio out over the abyss by the neck.

“Beg, coward,” Star was saying. “Beg for my mercy. Beg for Kakyoin’s mercy. You will not be able to beg mercy when you reach the bottom.”

“I – I will!” Dio struggled and clawed at his neck. “I swear, I will never bother you again, nor Kakyoin if that is what you wish! Just let me go!”

Star cocked his head. “Why?”

“Look!” Dio pointed down towards Kakyoin. “Do you really want to give in to your evil nature in front of this young innocent? If you insist on being redeemed, perhaps you should start by not killing the repentant!”

Star’s expression changed, just slightly. A moment. He sighed, and put Dio down again on a narrow bridge that led back to the main roof of the castle.

“Go, then,” he murmured. “But keep your word, and never come near this place again. Do you understand?”

Dio brushed himself off. “I understand perfectly.”

“Good.” Star turned his back on Dio.

That was his mistake.

In the blink of an eye, Dio unsheathed a handful of sharp and gleaming knives, and even as the narrow bridge beneath him crumbled, managed to throw the whole handful of them straight into Star’s broad and retreating back. As he tumbled down into the deep abyss below the castle, Kakyoin heard Dio cackling madly.

Star stood on the roof just above where Kakyoin was for a moment, staring out into empty space. Then, ever so slowly, his body leaned over towards the balcony, towards the one place where Kakyoin stood appalled, rather than the massive number of places where he, too, would have shared Dio’s infinitely gravitational fate.

Star – fell.

“No!” Kakyoin dashed forward, barely reaching Star at the same moment that he crumpled onto the open balcony. “No –”

Star was covered in stab wounds, bleeding heavily, each breath sounding more and more laboured. Kakyoin knelt beside him and began to tear his own shirt to try and staunch the bleeding.

“Kakyoin… no… it’s too late…” Star winced and grit his teeth. “S not going to work, Kakyoin…”

“Shh, Star, it’s going to be fine…” Kakyoin pressed the strip of cloth against the largest wound, the bloody hole in Star’s back. “We can fix this, Star, please…”

“Ka…kyoin…” Star’s bright blue-green eyes stared into his own. “Can’t…”

“You…” Kakyoin swallowed and tried in vain to keep the wound closed. “You can call me Noriaki, if you like. Just… stay awake, Star, please, don’t let go –“

“’M… sorry… Noriaki…” With one, final, rattling breath, Star went limp.

“No…” Kakyoin shook him desperately. “No, please… Star, don’t go… I –” A tear rolled down his cheek; without caring whether anyone was watching, he stroked the hair away from Star’s forehead gently. “I… I love you, Star.”

(Somewhere in the shadows, the beautiful enchantress Lisa-Lisa watched Kakyoin’s heartfelt plea and sighed reluctantly. Well, perhaps she could allow that to break the curse…

She waved a hand. And everything –

Changed.)


	17. Certain As The Sun

As the last of Kakyoin’s tears fell onto Star’s noble, purple face, there was a sudden change in the air – a gust of wind, bringing a tingling newness to the scene – the body of Star Platinum went from feeling absurdly heavy to feather light, and floated up into the air past Kakyoin’s reach. The purple skin shimmered and glittered, and –

Star threw back his head and _transformed_.

The new Star… was a normal human being, with black hair and an olive-toned complexion, less pale than Dio, and clearly nobility. He wore a hat similar to the one on the painting, ragged with age and blending into his hair; his clothes were not the splendid extravagances that they had been, but a more sombre mourning black with simple gold decorations (the chain on his collar, Kakyoin noticed, had snapped). His long coat hung open over a plain blue shirt and a pair of oddly-patterned belts.

Stripped of his purple skin and elaborate outfit, left in mere rags, Kakyoin thought this strange familiar man was the most attractive human being he'd ever seen.

At last, Star floated back down to where Kakyoin stared, amazed; the unfamiliar-familiar young man collapsed, unconscious, onto the balcony, and Kakyoin only just managed to catch him before his head hit the stone of the balcony.

Was he… alive? His chest moved a little, up, and down; Kakyoin checked his pulse nervously and was surprised to find that the young man had a heartbeat.

“Star… can you hear me?”

The young man’s eyes snapped open; he stared at Kakyoin with a frown, his eyes undeniably the same blue-green colour that had shone out from Star’s purple face.

“…Noriaki? How… what?”

“You’re… human,” Kakyoin breathed. “You really…”

“Human?” Star sat up suddenly and looked down at his normal, human hands. “The curse… Is it really true? Is this a dream?”

Kakyoin laughed and reached forward to take Star’s hands in his own. “It’s true, Star, it’s real. You’re really human.”

“I…” Star blinked and shook his head slowly. “My name… My real name is Jotaro.”

“Jotaro?”

The young man stared at Kakyoin for a while, his forehead creased with unspoken thoughts. “Noriaki, I… you… God’s wounds. I’m _human_.”

“It looks like your wounds have healed, as well,” replied Kakyoin. “You’re alive, and…”

“Mother,” gasped Jotaro, jumping up quickly and pulling Kakyoin with him. “Come on!”

(Kakyoin hadn’t anticipated that the human version would be so… tall. And – handsome?)

(He swallowed. It was all well and good admiring an abstract idea covered by the purple mask of Star, but this… well, he might just end up in eternal damnation, and Kakyoin found that he didn’t so much mind the thought of that.)

They dashed though the castle hand in hand, and Kakyoin barely had time to notice all the household objects beginning to transform into humans around him. At one point, he saw Polnareff somehow ballooning out into the muscliest candlestick Kakyoin had ever seen; a few moments later he caught sight of Avdol, whose yellowed clock hands seemed to be transforming into a pair of unusual tattoos on his cheeks.

At last, they reached the kitchen: it was in chaos. Half-transformed men and women crowded every surface – plates, glasses, and every kind of silverware were mingled with ordinary, if confused, humans. A tall man with grey hair still had a teacup-handle as an arm, and a younger looking boy with a gap tooth was still covered in a rose pattern: Abbachio and Gappy the teacups (although Kakyoin wasn’t sure how he knew that, exactly). And there, at the end of the kitchen –

“Mother!” called Jotaro. “Over here!”

A medium-height blond woman with the spout of a teapot sticking out from where her arm should be looked up through the chatter and the noise, and her face lit up.

“Jotaro! You’re back to normal!” She picked up her elegant rose-patterned skirts and dashed through the slowly humanizing crowd, her arm beginning to gain more definition, and tackled Jotaro in a massive hug. “Oh, thank God! The curse is broken!”

“Yes, well…” Jotaro levers her off him with his free hand. “You’re not a teapot.”

The woman looks down at her hands, now back to normal, and smiles. “I’m not a teapot.”

“It’s, er…” Kakyoin clears his throat. “It’s nice to meet you properly, Madame…?”

The woman looks up at him in surprise. “Oh, Kakyoin! It’s me, Holy!” She looks down at his hand, linked incriminatingly to Jotaro’s. “So you were the one who broke the curse…”

“Me? What did I do?”

But instead of answering, Holy reached out for another hug, throwing her hands around both Jotaro and Kakyoin. “Oh, Kakyoin, I’m so happy!”

“Er… thank you, Madame Holy…”

“Please, just call me Holy, there’s no need to be so formal!”

Kakyoin looked sidelong at Jotaro, who nodded and then – to Kakyoin’s surprise – smiled at him, more widely and naturally than he had ever smiled as Star (if he had smiled back then at all; Kakyoin couldn’t remember).

“Thanks, Noriaki,” he says. “Truly, thank you.”

Kakyoin felt Jotaro’s hand squeezing tight against his own, and realised –

The threat of Hell was no match for how he felt right now.


	18. Beauty and the Beast

The castle, in a twinkling, repaired itself, its crumbling walls and worn-out statues gaining a new life with the magic of the curse being undone. People in every corner of the castle returned to their human selves: like a flood, they poured out of every room and corridor into the bright and rising sun, embracing each other and calling out to their friends. Kakyoin watched in awe with Jotaro, still hardly believing that this was happening.

“Avdol!” shouted a pale, silver-haired man whose muscles bulged out of his shirt. “Over ‘ere, mon ami, over ‘ere!”

A darker man dressed in long red robes looked up from halfway down the steps and broke into a wide grin, dashing down towards the man who must once have been the candle Polnareff. “Polnareff!”

The two of them threw their arms around each other eagerly, laughing and clapping each other on the back; then, to Kakyoin’s utter shock, they kissed deeply, not caring about the hundreds of potential onlookers.

_Ohhhhh_. That made a lot of sense. Kakyoin tried not to stare, and in the process caught sight of Jotaro gazing out into the distance with a contented expression on his face.

Well, if _they_ could do it, then…

He reached on his tiptoes and placed a cautious kiss on Jotaro’s cheek. Jotaro looked round at him, startled; then his expression shifted, almost imperceptibly, into a small smile of approval. With a sudden movement, he cupped Kakyoin’s face in his hands and kissed him full on the mouth.

There was no bolt of lightning from the blue. No earthquake swallowing him up into the bowels of Hell, or spontaneous combustion. There was just a kiss, the most spectacular sensation Kakyoin had ever felt, as if – for the first time in his life – he was exactly where he was meant to be, with his lips on Jotaro’s and his future suddenly clear before his eyes. Suddenly Kakyoin knew – he wanted to spend the rest of his life with this man.

He broke away and stared at Jotaro’s lips in a daze, before remembering that he had been about to say something. He put his hand up to Jotaro’s mouth. “Aren’t you – aren’t you afraid?”

“Of what?”

“Of… People hating us. Of never being accepted. Of… going to Hell.”

“I’ve already been through hell,” Jotaro murmurs. “The least God can do is allow me this.”

“It’s just, I…” Kakyoin felt himself blush. “I’ve never really… done this before. With anyone, let alone...”

Jotaro shrugged. “Neither have I,” he admitted. “But if it’s with you, I… think I want to stay together. If… if you want to.”

“I…” Kakyoin leaned in against Jotaro’s chest and smiled. “I feel the same.”

“In that case, Noriaki… I think you still owe me a dance.”

Kakyoin laughed and took his hand, following his lead back into the castle.

In many respects, their lives went on from there as usual: they read together and ate together, and there was little to distract from their happiness. Jotaro regained his dukedom, and the two of them took great pleasure in travelling all over the realm, free at last from the curse’s effects.

Polnareff and Avdol continued to serve faithfully as servants, falling more and more in love with each other every day. Eventually, the two of them had saved up enough of their pay that they retired happily to a small cottage – the same one that had been left vacant by Joseph on his departure to the castle. Their friendship with Jotaro, Noriaki, and Joseph continued throughout the years, and there were many visits between the castle and the cottage.

The visiting lord Abbachio was reunited with his Italian lover Bruno, who had been bereft without quite remembering why: the two of them returned to Italy to enjoy getting to know each other once more.

Neither Abbacchio nor Gappy suffered any ill effects from holding hot tea for all those years: in fact, every person who had been enchanted was restored to full health, perhaps even a little better than before.

Noriaki invited his guardian to live in the great castle, and the joy was immeasurable when, once the lifting of the curse brought his memory back, Joseph recognised his daughter – none other than the Lady Holy herself.

The evil followers of the erstwhile Marquis Dio were hounded out of town, never to be seen or heard from again; even the Reverend Pucci, despite his grievous injury, had no choice but to leave once it was clear that he would be punished more severely if he stayed.

As for the relationship between Noriaki and Jotaro – no longer was there guilt or fear of sin. The two of them simply enjoyed the love that they had found through the curse: there were many more dances, and many more kisses, and much more hope. (And in fact, it did not take long to move past simple kisses, either.)

After many years Jotaro took his rightful place as Heir to the Principality of the Joestars with Noriaki as his closest consort and advisor, and the two ruled wisely and prosperously over their portion of France for a long, long time.

Well, what more is there to say? Ah, yes:

And they all lived happily ever after.


End file.
